Transcripts/Read It and Weep


 * [whooshing noises]
 * Twilight Sparkle: Hey Rarity, hey Pinkie Pie. What are you looking at?
 * Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash! Isn't she the most daring devil? I mean, devilish darer? I mean-
 * Rarity: She's dazzling!
 * Pinkie Pie: Ooh yeah that's a good word. She's dazzling!
 * Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Twilight Sparkle: [gasp]
 * Twilight Sparkle: Oh no, oh no, oh no!
 * Pinkie Pie: Ayiyiyiyi!
 * [crunch]
 * Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Twilight Sparkle: Ohh.
 * Pinkie Pie: So much for dazzling.




 * [heart monitor beeping]
 * Applejack: [muffled] Think she's gonna be okay?
 * Fluttershy: [muffled] Oh, I'm so worried!
 * Pinkie Pie: [muffled] Is her face gonna stay that way?
 * Rainbow Dash: Awwww.
 * Twilight Sparkle: How is she, doctor?
 * Doctor: She's going to be fine. Luckily she has friends like you who got her over here in a jiffy.
 * Rainbow Dash: Huh, how long do I need to lie here? I've got things I need to do!
 * Doctor: Well, that all depends on your recovery, but I'd say a few days minimum.
 * Rainbow Dash: You guys have gotta get me out of here, I'm gonna climb the walls!
 * Pinkie Pie: Ooh, just like a spider! [to the doctor] Did the crash somehow give her super-duper spider powers?
 * Doctor: Nnnno, nor did it give her amazing healing powers, she needs to stay in bed for a few days.
 * Rainbow Dash: Few days? Might as well be a few months, or few years!
 * Fluttershy: It's not so bad Rainbow Dash.
 * Applejack: I bet the chow in here is hoof-lickin' good.
 * Rarity: And the hospital gowns, they, match the curtains!
 * Pinkie Pie: And look! You have a roommate!
 * [wheels squeaking]
 * Rainbow Dash: What's this? 'Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone'.
 * Twilight Sparkle: This is the first story in the series. I own all of them. [squee]
 * Rainbow Dash: No thanks. I so don't read. I'm a world-class athlete. Reading's for eggheads like you, Twilight. Heh, no offence, but I am not reading. It's undeniably, unquestionably, uncool.
 * Rest of main cast: [laughing]
 * Applejack: Is she serious? Who doesn't like to read a banged up tale from time to time?
 * Rarity: Why, a good book is almost as magnificent as silk pajamas on a Sunday morning, heh!
 * Twilight Sparkle: Reading is for everypony, Rainbow Dash!
 * Pinkie Pie: Yeah! I love reading, and my head isn't even close to the shape of an egg! It's more the shape of an apple, or maybe an orange, but a big orange, more like a grapefruit really...
 * Nurse #1: All right, my little ponies, Rainbow Dash needs her rest. You'll have to come back tomorrow.
 * Twilight Sparkle: I think you'd like Daring. She's a lot like you. Adventurous, fierce, and undeniably, unquestionably, unstoppable.
 * [door closes]


 * [ball bouncing]
 * [glass clinking, sloshing etc]
 * [light clicking]
 * Rainbow Dash: ...to get to the other side! Get it? Nevermind...
 * [clock ticking]
 * Rainbow Dash: [growls in frustration] [sighs]
 * [Dash's head banging on bed]
 * Rainbow Dash: [sighs] [unenthusiastically] As Daring-Do trekked through the tropical jungle, the white heat sapped her energy and slowed her every step. If only she could escape this oppressive atmosphere and fly up into the cool blue sky. But her crash landing in the jungle had injured her wing and she was grounded for a few days. Few days... might as well be a few months, or a few years! Huh. Right there with you, sister.


 * Rainbow Dash: The mosquitos buzzed loudly. The macaws cried from the high trees. Yet all of these distracting noises were not enough to cover the sound of the predators following her every step.
 * [various big cats growling and roaring]
 * [kitten mewing]
 * Rainbow Dash: [steadily getting more excited] Safely landing on the other side, Daring finally allowed herself a moment to breathe. She turned around to find herself face to face with the long lost temple that she had sought tirelessly for over sixty days and nights!


 * Rainbow Dash: I hate to admit it to myself, and would really hate to admit it to my friends, but... I love this story! I, I- I love reading! I'm an egghead.


 * Rainbow Dash: The smell of decay and danger hit Daring-Do as she peered into the dimly let entrance of the ancient temple.
 * [beetles scuttling]
 * [clunk]
 * [various noises: metal hitting stone, fire whooshing, alligators snapping, shing, etc]
 * [thud]
 * Daring-Do: Phew! [exasperated sigh]
 * [cacophany of noises; pots clanging, monkeys screeching, kazoos, etc]
 * [angelic music]


 * [knocking]
 * Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle: Hi Rainbow Dash!
 * Rainbow Dash: Uh, hey, guys...
 * Fluttershy: We thought we'd come and cheer you up!
 * Twilight Sparkle: We brought your favorite board game!
 * Fluttershy: We know how much you like to win!
 * Twilight Sparkle: You go first, Rainbow Dash!
 * Rainbow Dash: [short nervous laugh] Oh no, you first.
 * Twilight Sparkle: Alright, uh... cloud three.
 * Rainbow Dash: Aw, shucks, you... rained on my cumulus, hehe. Go again!
 * Fluttershy: Um... sky five?
 * Rainbow Dash: Whoaa, you found my seagull.
 * [seagull crying]
 * Twilight Sparkle: Uh... cloud two?
 * Rainbow Dash: You zapped my weather pony! Uhuh, you stung my bumblebee. Oh, my thunderbolt. Aw, and that's my last cloud. You found it. Guess you guys win, I lose. [makes horse noise]
 * Fluttershy: But Rainbow Dash, you, you didn't even get a turn.
 * Rainbow Dash: You win some, you lose some.
 * Twilight Sparkle: But you don't lose some. I don't think you've ever lost a game of-
 * Rainbow Dash: [yawns] Thanks for coming!
 * Twilight Sparkle: But yesterday you were desperate for things to do!
 * Rainbow Dash: Do? Who said anything about Daring-Do? I told you I'm not interested in reading. [yawns] It's nap time for me! [mocks snoring]
 * Fluttershy: Glad we could... cheer you up?
 * Rainbow Dash: [yawns]
 * Twilight Sparkle: All right then.
 * [door closes]
 * Rainbow Dash: Daring-Do stood at the entrance to the temple's central chamber.


 * Rainbow Dash: At last, she was face to face with the legendary sapphire statue!
 * [stone clinking]
 * [arrows firing]
 * Daring-Do: Hmm, there must be a pattern here. What do all these animals have in common? Ah-ha! These animals are all predators... except... rats! Phew!
 * [statue sparkling]
 * [stone grinding]
 * [rumbling]
 * [lava bubbling]
 * [thud]
 * Ahuizotl [with Pinkie Pie's voice]: Hello, Rainbow Dash!


 * [heart monitor beeping]
 * Rarity: How's our patient doing today?
 * Applejack: Ugh, we need to get some fresh air in here. You're lookin' sweatier than a pig wrangler on a summer's day.
 * Rainbow Dash: Uh, well, guys, thanks for visiting, but-
 * Nurse #2: Okay, now, dinner time for Rainbow Dash.
 * Rainbow Dash: Oh, just in time, I am soo hungry.
 * Rarity: Oh, well don't mind us Rainbow Dash.
 * Applejack: Yeah, just go ahead and eat up.
 * Rainbow Dash: [makes exaggerated eating noises]
 * Rarity: Uh, on second thought-
 * Pinkie Pie: Uh, we'll see you tomorrow, Rainbow Dash, aheh...
 * [door closes]
 * Rainbow Dash: [spits] ”You thought you could evade me and capture the relic for yourself, but you are sadly mistaken, Miss Do.”


 * Ahuizotl: And now, you shall meet your doom! [whistles]
 * [various big cat sounds plus kitten mewling]
 * Ahuizotl: [laughs manically]


 * Rainbow Dash: Whoa! Who is this dude?


 * Daring-Do: You won't get away with this, Ahuizotl!
 * Ahuizotl: But I already have.
 * [various mechanical noises]
 * Daring-Do: [exasperated sigh] Not again...
 * [snakes hissing]
 * Daring-Do: Quicksand! [sounds of exertion]
 * Doctor: [echoing] Rainbow Dash?


 * Doctor: [muffled] Rainbow Dash? [normal] Rainbow Da-ash!
 * Rainbow Dash: H- oh, good evening-
 * Doctor: Morning.
 * Rainbow Dash: -morning. Doc.
 * Doctor: Have you been up all night?
 * Rainbow Dash: Of course not. [blows]
 * Doctor: Well, I'll be quick. Congratulations, Rainbow Dash, we're checking you out of the hospital.
 * Rainbow Dash: What? Later today? [biting hoof]
 * Doctor: No. Right now!
 * Rainbow Dash: Right now?! 'Right now' right now?
 * Doctor: 'Right now' right now.
 * [fighting sounds]
 * Rainbow Dash: But I don't feel better!
 * Doctor: Now take it easy, Rainbow Dash, remember to stay off that wing for a week.


 * [door opening and closing]
 * Rainbow Dash: How will I ever find out what happened to Daring-Do?!


 * Rainbow Dash: Is Ahuizotl going to get away with the statuette? What's gonna happen to Daring?! Ah-ha! Twilight has a copy of the book! But I can't ask her after I called her an egghead and all... Ugh, this is making me sick all over again!


 * Rainbow Dash: Owww... [grunts in pain unrealistically] Oh, the pain... the pain!
 * Doctor: Rainbow Dash! What are you doing here, a, anything wrong?
 * Rainbow Dash: Well, uh, my wing! It's still hurtin', Doc. Oh, ouch! Right there.
 * Doctor: I was touching your good wing.
 * Rainbow Dash: Uh, right, well, I think that one's hurting now too.
 * Doctor: [chuckles] I think I know what the trouble is. A severe case of lazy-itis.


 * Rainbow Dash: But, you got me all wrong, Doc! I'm not being lazy!
 * Doctor: You're fine, Rainbow Dash. Give it some time and you'll be right back in the swing of things.
 * Nurse #1: Good day, Rainbow Dash.
 * Nurse #2: Take care!
 * Rainbow Dash: What am I gonna do? I'll never get to sleep without knowing what happens to Daring-Do! ...Which may not be such a bad thing...


 * [owl hoots]


 * Rainbow Dash: [squee]
 * [heart monitor beeping]


 * Daring-Do: Feels like the harder I struggle, the tighter the ropes get!
 * Spider [with Patient's voice]: Help! Burglar, burglar!


 * Patient #1: Someone's trying to steal my slippers!
 * Rainbow Dash: I'm not trying to steal your slippers, I'm trying to steal this book!
 * [thud]
 * Nurse #1: Stop, thief!
 * [crunch]
 * [airplane engine]
 * [alarm buzzing]


 * [barking]
 * Pinkie Pie: Hey, nopony invited me!
 * Rarity: Huh! Hasn't anypony heard of beauty sleep?


 * Doctor: Rainbow Dash, what in the world is going on? Why are you stealing slippers?
 * Patient #2: [barking]
 * Doctor: Hey, get back to the hospital!
 * Applejack: What's all the ruckus?
 * Pinkie Pie: Oh, I'd say it's more of a fracas than a ruckus.
 * Twilight Sparkle: What's going on, Rainbow Dash?
 * Rainbow Dash: [sighs] I'm an egghead.
 * Rarity: Pardon?
 * Rainbow Dash: See, I was trying to get back into the hospital to finish the last chapter of-
 * Twilight Sparkle: Daring-Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Statue!
 * Rainbow Dash: You got me.
 * Twilight Sparkle: Wow, I knew the book was good, but I didn't know it could drive a pony to petty theft!
 * Rainbow Dash: Good? Try awesomely amazing. That book is undeniably, unquestionably, un-put-down-able! But then I had to put it down; I was sent home before I could finish it.
 * Twilight Sparkle: Well, I'm glad that's all this is about.
 * Applejack: There's no reason to go around causin' a ruckus-
 * Pinkie Pie: Fracas!
 * Applejack: ...causin' a fracas just because you like to read.


 * Twilight Sparkle: Like I said, I have every book in the series, and you can borrow them all, any time you like!
 * Rainbow Dash: Oh, thanks Twilight, I'm sorry I made such a big deal about all of this. I thought reading was just for smart ponies like you.
 * Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash, just because you're athletic doesn't mean you aren't smart!
 * Spike: Yeah, just look at me! [kisses]
 * Twilight Sparkle: Reading is something everypony can enjoy, if they just give it a try.
 * Rainbow Dash: Yeah, I get it. I shouldn't knock something until I've tried it.
 * Twilight Sparkle: That's a great lesson, and it would make a great letter to the Princess.
 * Rainbow Dash: [to Spike] Didja get all that?
 * Spike: Yeah?
 * Rainbow Dash: Great! You write the letter, I've gotta finish this book! [bites]


 * Daring-Do: [sounds of exertion]
 * [mechanical sounds]
 * Daring-Do: [takes deep breaths] Another day, another dungeon!


 * Ahuizotl: [laughs evilly] With Daring-Do out of the way, the world will suffer mightily at my hands. I am victorious! [laughs]
 * Daring-Do: I'll take that!
 * Ahuizotl: Huh? Wha-? Noooooooo!
 * Daring-Do: Better luck next time, Ahuizotl!
 * Ahuizotl: Curse you, Daring-Do! [cries]
 * Rainbow Dash: And so, with Ahuizotl defeated, and the sapphire statue secure...


 * Rainbow Dash: ...The world was safe and sound once again, thanks to Daring-Do! [sighs in admiration] Daring-Do and the Griffon's Goblet... Awesome!


 * [credits]