Talk:Open Up Your Eyes/@comment-27578467-20180217014041/@comment-27578467-20180217165102

The most egregious issue is in the first section but I think it could be optimized throughout. Not that I expect Wordsworth out of MLP but in light of how effective the music is at portraying a serious emotion (as in, clearly not comedic), the lyrics falling short makes for a noticeably jarring experience. In my experience writing rhyming verse, a rule of thumb is that you specifically want to avoid making it sound like you had to bend the words to fit the rhyme. Subsequent lines that maintain the rhyme scheme should deliver as much or more motion and weight as the first lines. To me, "in this or any other land" is kind of a meaningless tack-on meant only to rhyme with "it's time that you understand", itself being little more than a needless repetition of the first line. Similarly with "life's not fair or just", adding 'just' doesn't really contribute to the meaning of the line more than it does just rhyme with 'trust'. I realize that last one is fairly petty but I give it as an example of smaller optimizations.