Just Can't Be a Dragon Here
Episode Father Knows Beast
Character(s) Sludge
Sung by Dave Pettitt
Staff The Nashville Scoring Orchestra (music performance)
Music by Daniel Ingram
Lyrics by Daniel Ingram
Josh Haber
Length 2:32
Season Season 8
Transcript Father Knows Beast
Key signature G♯ minor/A♭ major
International versions

Just Can't Be a Dragon Here is the seventh and final song of season eight of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, featured in the twenty-fourth episode Father Knows Beast. It is sung by Sludge. Spike sings a brief reprise of the song later in the same episode.


"You just can't be a dragon here"

Sludge: Spike, I'm gonna teach you a thing or two about being a dragon. So, listen up, my boy, because I'm only gonna say this once.
Look at this castle where you live
Spike: It's pretty sweet, right?
You can't be a dragon here
Spike: Uh, I can't?
Look at these books up on the wall
Spike: Hey, I just finished organizing those!
This treasure pile's not right, I fear
Trust me, I got you covered here. You see all this soft pony stuff you're surrounded with? This has got to be the first thing to go.
Nothin' 'bout this place says "dragon den", there's too much fluff
All these fancy robes, toss in a pile
Take those goblets, dishes, is that gold? Still not enough!
De-ponifying might just take a while
Sure, this place is grandiose
But to a dragon, it's just gross
Time we make the lot all disappear
Reality you need a dose
To all these ponies, you're too close
You just can't be a dragon here
Good job, my boy! But this is still just the beginning!
Each and every dragon has a swagger all his own
Watch and I'll show you what I mean
You can't move like this with so much stuff to weigh you down
A dragon always keeps it lean
Lose this! This! Ooh, this is nice!
Your life is soft, your scales are coiffed
These pillows, beds, and sheets are washed
A delight, but it's just not right what's underneath
Every dragon must be free
Look at you, then look at me
Since when do dragons brush their teeth?
Ha! Please!
Sure, this place is grandiose
But to a dragon, it's just gross
Time we make the lot all disappear
Spike: What do I do?
Just grab it all and give to me
After that, then you'll be free
You just can't be a dragon heeeeere!
Spike: Ha! You're right! I feel better already!
Sludge: See? What did I tell you? You're very lucky that I found you. Now, go get me some more.
Spike: You got it! I'm gonna go get you all the cushy pony stuff I've got... Dad.
Sludge: Great! Go get 'em... son!
'Cause this dragon just can't wait to live here
[sinister laughter]
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