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Episode Bad Thing No. 3
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[theme song]

Part 1

Pinkie Pie: [sighs] Just smell the morning air, Gummy. [deep sniff]
Gummy: [sniffs]
Pinkie Pie: So peaceful. So serene. It's like nothing bad in the whole world could ever—
[door opens]
Pinkie Pie: Aah!
[door closes]
Pinkie Pie: If this is another croissant caper, don't think you'll out-muscle me again! I know your tricks!
Rarity: [sighs]
Pinkie Pie: Oh, Rarity!
Rarity: Pinkie! Help! Something horrid has happened!
Pinkie Pie: Who did what?! Let me at' em! LET ME AT 'EM!
Rarity: It's almost too awful to say.
[door closes]
Rarity: [sighs] Ponyville's primary pony of propriety, Fancy Pants, has asked me to go for a stroll in the park!
Pinkie Pie: Um, and this is bad because... you don't want to go?
Rarity: Worse! I do want to go!
Pinkie Pie: Oh! That is awful! Wait. Why is that awful?
Rarity: "Why?", she asks. Why?! [laughs] Here's why.
Rarity: [narrating] Yesterday, I was only slightly flaunting my new headband while putting a subtle fine touch on my garden, when suddenly...
Fancy Pants: Ah! My mirror!
Rarity: Fancy Pants!
Fancy Pants: Oh, how will I ever find such another lovely face to—? [gasps]
[romantic music]
Rarity: Oh! Didn't see you there. I was just casually having some potion my friend Pinkie gave me. [laughs nervously] Uh, would you like a sip?
Fancy Pants: No. I would love one!
Rarity: [gasps]
Fancy Pants: Would you like to go for a stroll in the park with me tomorrow eve?
Rarity: No. I would love to!
Fancy Pants: Ah! Then I'll see you tomorrow night!
Rarity: Ugh!
Fancy Pants: Oh, it seems your endearing clumsiness has resulted in a bad omen.
Rarity: Bad omen?
Fancy Pants: Well, you know what they say. Bad things happen in threes. Hopefully, our stroll won't be bad thing number three, eh? [laughs]
Rarity: [forced laughter] Yes! Terribly funny! How truly horrific! All right, Rarity. One bad thing happened. Nothing to worry about. [laughs nervously] Now, a second bad thing were to happen, and I'd really have to— Whoa! Oof!
Pinkie Pie: Oh. [laughs] Okay.
Rarity: My headband got covered in potion, Pinkie Pie. Now it won't stop revealing deep, dark truths to me.
Pinkie Pie: Huh. Wow.
Inner Pinkie Pie: [clears throat] Pinkie Pie. Sprinkles cannot fix every problem.
Pinkie Pie: [screams]
Pinkie Pie: That was horrible!
Rarity: So, you can see why bad thing number three absolutely must happen before my rendezvous with Fancy Pants.
Pinkie Pie: Wait, what?
Rarity: If it happens before the rendezvous, it won't happen at the rendezvous.
Pinkie Pie: That logic seems a little extreme.
[loud banging]
Rarity: Ooooh! This is it!
Fluttershy: Door was jammed. [giggles]
Rarity: [growls]
Fluttershy: [gasps] So cute!
Fluttershy: Huh?
Inner Fluttershy: You speak softly, yet you carry within you the most wondrous and terrifying force of all.
Rarity: Well? Was it bad?
Fluttershy: No. Nothing I didn't already know.
Gummy: [croaks]
Pinkie Pie: Let's just store this in the pantry for now, huh?
Rainbow Dash: Oh. You go for it.
Twilight Sparkle: No, you.
Rarity: Please don't fight! What's that? Your friendship is totally destroyed? Over such a silly misunderstanding? I never thought such a bad thing could happen! Ah, well. What can you do?
Rainbow Dash: Uh, Rarity, we're not in a fight.
Rarity: [screams]
Applejack: What's tuggin' your tail, Rarity?
Rarity: Bad things happen in threes. And darling, I'm on strike three.
Applejack: Don't you think it's just a bit of superstition? There's no logical reason that... Okay. She's walkin' away.
Rarity: That's it! This calls for more drastic action! Sabotage!
Rarity: [to herself] You impress me yet again, Rarity, you saucy sassy girl with a mane that won't quit. [to herself] Oh, so sweet. Thank you.
Applejack: Yikes.

Part 2

Pinkie Pie: Souffle week of the Royal Jelly Juggernaut is notoriously difficult. But with this recipe, I know I can pull it off.
Rainbow Dash: Noice! Huh? Mm.
Rarity: [deep, gravelly voice] Must make the bad thing happen!
Pinkie Pie: [reading incoherently]
Rarity: [deep, gravelly voice] If Pinkie Pie's recipe were to suddenly disappear... that would be a bad thing. [normal voice] [gasps] But I can't take Pinkie's recipe. She needs it to compete. [deep, gravelly voice] Not until next weekend. You can get it back to her by then. She will never be the wiser. Plus, you can make it up to her later. [normal voice] Hmm. All right. You do make a good point. [deep, gravelly voice] That was... easier than I expected. [normal voice] [gasps] Ah! So it's come to this! Come at me with your worst!
Gummy: [growls]
Rarity: [yells] Take this!
Rarity: Hah!
Gummy: [croaking]
Rarity: [laughs, gasps] Ugh! [grunting] So... strong! Sweet victory! [yelling] Ugh. Huh? Not like this! [wails]
Rarity: [wails] Okay, too late. I'm here. Ominous, sure, but her eyeshadow's stunning! Bravo!
Inner Rarity: Rarity, bad thing number three will not happen at the park.
Rarity: Really? Then it was all worth it.
Inner Rarity: Because it has already happened. You are trapped here with me.
Rarity: [gasps]
Inner Rarity: Bad things do not happen in threes, but you sealed your own fate by focusing on the negative rather than living in the present.
Rarity: Okay, yes. Profound. Whatever. But seeing as I've already learned my lesson now, can't I still go to the park?
Inner Rarity: No. [laughs] While mere seconds have passed for you and I, the outside world has aged eons! [laughs]
Rarity: [screams]
Rarity: [screams]
[door opens]
Rarity: [hyperventilates]
Applejack: [gasps]
Inner Rarity: W-W-W-W-Wait. So I lied about this one thing. But nopony ever hangs out with me here! Oh. [scoffs] Where's my phone?
Rarity: Oh, Applejack! Twilight! And even young Pinkie! You're all here! How long was I gone? A week? A century?! Oh, what a foolish filly I have been. I suppose Fancy Pants has strolled on with another pony. Good. He deserves to be happy!
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, Rarity? You were gone for thirty-five seconds.
Fancy Pants: Oh, Rarity! Stroll time! Trot-trot!
Twilight Sparkle: "Trot-trot"?
Pinkie Pie: See? He's here!
Rarity: B-B-But—!
Rarity: But bad thing number three!
Pinkie Pie: You can't control it. Just go with the flow.
Rarity: You sure it's just a silly superstition?
Twilight Sparkle: One can never be completely sure— [muffled]
Applejack: Yup-solutely! You've been through bad things before. Whatever happens now, you can handle it.
Rarity: You're right! I have been prepared for the worst. Why not hope for the best?
Rarity: What a lovely sunset. It reminds me of the—
Fancy Pants: I've seen lovelier.
Rarity: Oh. Oh, well, uh, changing the subject—
Fancy Pants: Right. Back to what I want to talk about – me. Earlier today, I made the best point, immediately followed by the best joke. So I laughed and laughed until everypony left. And that's when I realized the most talented pony I ever met... was me.
Rarity: Wow. I was so nervous about going walkies with you that I didn't realize... I don't like you.
Fancy Pants: Uhhhh, excuse me?
Rarity: Bad thing number three! It's you!
Fancy Pants: Ohhhh, no-no-no, impossible. You see, I never come in third place. [laughs nervously, clears throat] As I was saying...
Pinkie Pie: "Sprinkles can't fix everything." [scoffs] Yeah, right!
Rarity: To be quite frank, the most enjoyable part of the whole thing was freaking out beforehand! [laughs]
Rarity: Because I did it with all of you.
Pinkie Pie: Well, I'm glad you were able to stay in the moment, decide you weren't having fun, and go with the flow by hightailing it out of there.
Rarity: And I'm glad I didn't steal your souffle recipe, jeopardizing your performance and our friendship. [laughs]
Pinkie Pie: What?
Rarity: Nothing! Love you!
Mane Six: Awwwww!