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Rainbow Dash: [grunt] Whoo-hoo!
Applejack: Hoo-wee! Not a bad pitch for a pony who works with her head in the clouds.
Rainbow Dash: Oh yeah? Think you can do better, cowgirl?
Applejack: I know I can. [grunt] Oh, for Pete's sake!
Rainbow Dash: Heh! Looks like this Pegasus can pitch better than the workhorse. The object of the game is to get the closest to the stake.
Applejack: All right, all right. You got another throw there, pony girl.
Rainbow Dash: [grunt]
Applejack: [sarcastically] Wow, Rainbow, heh. You couldn't hit a barn door with that kind of a throw!
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, yeah. I still have the closest throw, Applesmack. Just try and beat it.
Applejack: [grunt] Yee-haw! It's a ringer. That's how you do it down here on the farm.
Rainbow Dash: I lost.
Applejack: Ah, don't feel bad, Rainbow. It's all in good fun.
Rainbow Dash: I hate losing.
Applejack: Besides, you're a mighty good athlete. I'm just better. Heh heh heh.
Rainbow Dash: All right, Applejack, you think you're the top athlete in all of Ponyville?
Applejack: Well, I was gonna say in all of Equestria, but that might be gildin' the lily.
Rainbow Dash: ...and I think I'm the top athlete. So let's prove it.
Applejack: Prove what?
Rainbow Dash: I challenge you to an Iron Pony competition. A series of athletic contests to decide who's the best, once and for all.
Applejack: You know what, Rainbow? You're on.
[theme song]
Rainbow Dash: [grunt]
Twilight Sparkle: So you two are doing what, now?
Applejack: An Iron—
Rainbow Dash: Iron Pony competition.
Applejack: See, we've set up a bunch of events to decide which one of us is—
Rainbow Dash: The most athletic pony ever! [grunt]
Twilight Sparkle: And I'm here to...?
Rainbow Dash: [grunt] I don't know. Why is she here?
Applejack: To be our judge and keep score.
Rainbow Dash: Right, heh. Somepony's gotta record my awesomeness for the history books. [grunt]
Spike: Hello everypony, and welcome to the first annual Iron Pony competition!
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, Spike, who are you talking to?
Spike: Um... uh, them! Let the games begin!
Main cast sans Twilight: [cheer]
Twilight Sparkle: Ready. Set. Go!
Applejack: [gasp] Dagnabbit.
Twilight Sparkle: Time, Spike?
Spike: 17 seconds.
Applejack: You're kiddin'! That breaks my record from last year's rodeo.
Spike: But you got a five second penalty for nudging the barrel.
Applejack: [sigh] Nuts and chews! Still, that's twenty-two seconds. Not too shabby. Hey, don't be nervous. Remember, it's all in good fun. Now git on up there.
Twilight Sparkle: Ready. Set. Go!
Applejack: Woo! That was some fancy hoofwork there, Rainbow!
Rainbow Dash: Thanks, but I [pant] couldn't have been as fast as you.
Applejack: What was the time on that, Spike?
Spike: 18 seconds!
Applejack: 18 seconds. Rainbow, are you sure you're not secretly a rodeo pony?
Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash wins the barrel lead!
Rainbow Dash: Oh, I can't believe I won.
Applejack: Yeah, well, don't you go gettin' used to it.
[bell rings]
[ponies cheer]
Applejack: Mighty respectable, [spit] but let me show ya how it's really done. [grunt]
[bell rings]
[ponies cheer]
Applejack: Years of applebuckin'.
["Shave and a haircut"...]
[bell rings]
[..."Two bits"]
Rainbow Dash: Ugh.
Granny Smith: Waa-hoo!
Apple Bloom: Whoo-hoo!
Big McIntosh: Eeyup!
Spike: Why me?
Twilight Sparkle: Go!
Spike: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-hoa! Whoa! Whoaaa! Ouch.
Rainbow Dash: Ready for another pony ride?
Spike: No.
Twilight Sparkle: Go!
Spike: Guh guh guh guh guh guh guh guh guh guh guh guhwhoaaaaaa!
Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash wins the bronco-buck.
[bell rings]
Spike: And I lose.
[ponies cheer]
Spike: Whoa! [grunt] How do I get roped into these things?
Rainbow Dash: [grunt] Does this count?
[bell rings]
Applejack: [grunt]
[ponies cheer]
[bell rings]
Rainbow Dash: Yuh! [blows raspberry]
[ponies cheer]
[bell rings]
Applejack: [grunt] Wah!
[bell rings]
Rainbow Dash: Yeah.
[ponies gasp]
Fluttershy: [gasp]
[bell rings]
Spike: Fillies and gentlecolts, at the halfway point, our competitors are tied at five and five.
Twilight Sparkle: Who are you talking to?
Spike: Them!
[crowd chatters]
Twilight Sparkle: Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine... a hundred!
Rainbow Dash: Yes!
[bell rings]
Applejack: Be a good sport, Applejack.
Applejack: [grunt]
Rainbow Dash: [grunt]
[bell rings]
[hens clucking]
[chicks chirping]
Applejack: [gasp]
Twilight Sparkle: All right, you two. This is the final event. Give it all you've got.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack: [grunting]
Spike: Looks like the workhorse might come out ahead in this one.
Applejack: [muffled] That's not fair. You can't use your wings to help you win.
Rainbow Dash: [muffled] Huh?
Applejack: [muffled] You're cheatin'!
Rainbow Dash: [muffled] I can't understand you with that rope in your mouth.
Applejack: [spits] I said... uh-oh. [grunt]
[crowd cheers]
[bell rings]
Rainbow Dash: Whoo-hoo! I win by a landslide... or mudslide in your case. [chuckles] I am the Iron Pony!
Applejack: Only 'cause you cheated!
Rainbow Dash: What?
Applejack: You used your wingpower to help you win over half those contests!
Rainbow Dash: Sounds like sour apples to me.
Applejack: Are you sayin' you didn't use your wings?
Rainbow Dash: Well... no. But you never said I couldn't use my wings.
Applejack: I didn't think I needed to tell you to play fair.
Rainbow Dash: I still would have won even without my wings.
Applejack: Hah! Prove it.
Rainbow Dash: Gladly. How?
Applejack: Tomorrow is the annual Runnin' of the Leaves. I challenge you to race me in it.
Rainbow Dash: Heh! Easy shmeasy.
Applejack: Hold on! There is one condition: the point is to run, so no wings allowed.
Rainbow Dash: No wings? No problem.
Applejack: [spits]
Rainbow Dash: [spits] [blows raspberry]
Applejack: [chuckle]
Spike: Twilight, hurry up, we're gonna be late for the race.
Twilight Sparkle: Why are you so excited about the race? It's only for ponies.
Spike: Yeah, but I'm hoping I can be the announcer again. Just listen: fillies and gentlecolts, welcome to the annual Running of the--
Pinkie Pie: Welcome to the annual Running of the Leaves! This is Pinkie Pie, your official p-eye-in-the-sky announcer.
Twilight Sparkle: Sorry, Spike. I guess that job's already taken.
Pinkie Pie: As everypony knows, the Running is a very important tradition, for without it, the autumn leaves of Equestria would never fall. So get ready, ponies. The Running of the Leaves will begin in five minutes.
Applejack: [grunts]
Rainbow Dash: Pardon me, excuse me. Make way for the Iron Pony.
Applejack: The Iron Phony, you mean.
Rainbow Dash: So, Applejack, you ready to win second place?
Applejack: I'm ready to run a good, clean race.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, yeah...
Applejack: You are not allowed to use your wings.
Rainbow Dash: I could win this race with both wings tied behind my back.
Applejack: [grunts] Trussed up like a turkey. Well, a turkey who can't fly, that is.
Rainbow Dash: Very funny.
Applejack: 'Least now we know we're racin' fair and square.
Pinkie Pie: Racers! Please take your positions!
Spike: Um... Pinkie Pie?
Pinkie Pie: Hey, Spike! What's up? Oh wait, it's me! I'm up! [laughs]
Spike: Uh, yeah. I know you're doing the announcing today and stuff and... I'm sure you're gonna do a great job and all, but... I was just wondering...
Pinkie Pie: What?
Spike: Aw... forget it.
Pinkie Pie: Spike, would you like to be my co-reporter? We could comment on the action together.
Spike: We could?
Pinkie Pie: Climb on up!
Applejack: Twilight? What in tarnation are you doin' up here?
Twilight Sparkle: I'm racing.
Rainbow Dash: [laughs] Good one, Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm not joking.
Rainbow Dash: What? You're not an athlete, you're a... well... you're an egghead.
Twilight Sparkle: I am not an egghead, I am well-read.
Rainbow Dash: [softly] Egghead.
Applejack: [snickers] But have you ever run a race?
Twilight Sparkle: Well, no, but I do know a lot about running.
Rainbow Dash: And you know this from...
Twilight Sparkle: Books. I've read several on the subject.
Rainbow Dash: What'd you read, "The Egghead's Guide to Running"? Did you stretch out your eye muscles to warm up? [laugh] Get it? Eye muscles.
Twilight Sparkle: Scoff if you must, Rainbow. But the Running of the Leaves is a Ponyville tradition, and since I'm here to learn, I've decided I should experience it myself.
Applejack: Well, I think that's just dandy, Twilight. Good luck. [snickers]
Rainbow Dash: Yeah. See you at the finish line... tomorrow.
Pinkie Pie: All right, ponies, are you ready?
Spike: Get set.
[bell rings]
Pinkie Pie: And they're off! Welcome to the official coverage of the Running of the Leaves! You know, Spike, despite its name, the leaves don't do any of the actual running. No, that's left to my little ponies.
Spike: Why, yes, Pinkie, it's the running of the ponies that causes the leaves to fall.
Pinkie Pie: Ugh. Those lazy, lazy leaves. But this year, the run is about more than the weather. It's about the race to the finish and the two runners who want to win it: Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
Spike: You know, Pinkie, these two ponies have a bit of a grudge match they're trying to settle. Trying to prove who's the most athletic.
Pinkie Pie: Yes, and "grudge" rhymes with "fudge".
Spike: Yes, it... does. What?
Pinkie Pie: And I like fudge. But if I eat too much fudge I get a pudge and then I can't budge.
Spike: So... no fudge?
Pinkie Pie: Oh, no thanks. I had a big breakfast. Let's check in with our two competitive ponies, Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Having come fast out of the gate, Applejack and Rainbow Dash are evenly matched running neck and neck. But what's this? Applejack is making a move, she's now ahead by a nose. But Rainbow Dash won't let Applejack have it and takes the lead. She's ahead by half a nose. Or maybe three quarters of a nose. No, about sixty-three point seven percent of a nose... roughly speaking. Applejack sees this move and pushes forth with her strong workhorse legs slinking ahead by three hundred and fifty noses!
Applejack: Not so easy without wings, is it?
Rainbow Dash: Come on, Rainbow. Show 'em a little dash.
Spike: Ho-hold your horses, Pinkie! Rainbow Dash is catching up the frontrunner Applejack!
Pinkie Pie: What an upset. I thought Applejack had this in the bag.
Rainbow Dash: You didn't think I was gonna let you off that easily, did you?
Applejack: Whoa! I don't believe it.
Twilight Sparkle: I know, it's beautiful, isn't it?
Applejack: Not the scenery, Twilight. Rainbow Dash just tripped me.
Twilight Sparkle: She did not.
Applejack: She did too!
Twilight Sparkle: She did not, and if you slowed down and looked where you're going, like me, you'd see that you tripped over a rock.
Applejack: What? Oh, hayseed! Now I got a lot of ground to make up to catch Rainbow.
Twilight Sparkle: Just be careful!
Applejack: See you at the finish line!
Spike: I don't believe it. After a huge setback, Applejack is back at the front of the pack.
Pinkie Pie: She's the head of the pack, all right. The pick of the litter! The cat's pajamas! Oh wait, why would Applejack take some poor kitty's PJs? That's not very sporting of her.
Spike: Oookay... let's get back to the race.
Rainbow Dash: Not so fast, Applejack! This race isn't over yet!
Applejack: It is for you. Heh.
Rainbow Dash: Whoa! Guh, I don't believe it, Applejack tripped me.
Twilight Sparkle: Don't you ponies ever look where you're going? You tripped on a stump. See?
Rainbow Dash: Oh, I see. A big cheater is what I see.
Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow, Applejack would never cheat. It was just an accident.
Rainbow Dash: Sure it was. I mean, yeah, I'm sure it was.
Twilight Sparkle: Remember, Rainbow, this is just a game.
Rainbow Dash: Yes, but the rules have changed, and two can play at that game.
Pinkie Pie: Welcome back, Ponyvillians, it's me, Pinkie Pie.
Spike: And Spike. Looks like Rainbow is doing her best to catch up.
Pinkie Pie: I'm not sure how ketchup is going to help her in this contest. Now, in a hot dog eating contest it can make them doggies nice and slippery, but personally, I prefer mustard. How about you, Spike?
Spike: Uh... I... like... pickles?
Pinkie Pie: Aaand it looks like Applejack has found herself in quite a pickle as Rainbow overtakes her.
Rainbow Dash: Look, ma, no wings.
Spike: As the racers enter Equestria's Whitetail Wood, Rainbow Dash is back in the lead.
Rainbow Dash: [chuckles]
Applejack: Ugh. Hey, Rainbow!
Rainbow Dash: [blows raspberry]
Applejack: [gasp] Why, that little cheater did that on purpose. It's on.
Rainbow Dash: Nice one, Rainbow.
Applejack: Later!
Rainbow Dash: Grr! [gasp] Aaa! [laughs]
Twilight Sparkle: Oh my, Whitetail Wood is just lovely. Hey, Rainbow, shouldn't you be up ahead?
Rainbow Dash: [chuckling] I'm sure I'll win now.
Twilight Sparkle: Except that the other racers just passed you.
Rainbow Dash: Oh horse apples... see ya!
Pinkie Pie: Applejack, what are you doing up here?
Spike: There aren't even any trees.
Applejack: Er, no, but the sign's pointed this way... [whinnies] Rainbow. Mind giving me a lift?
Rainbow Dash: What the hay?! You said no flying!
Applejack: No, I said no wings.
Pinkie Pie: I must say, Spike, that this has been the most interesting Running of the Leaves in Equestria history!
Spike: With the most interesting announcing...
Pinkie Pie: But it isn't the running that's been fascinating. It's the lack of running!
Rainbow Dash: [grunt] Aaa!
Applejack: Whoa!
Rainbow Dash: Whoa!
Twilight Sparkle: Forgive me, girls. I know I'm not an athlete, but shouldn't the Running of the Leaves actually involve running?
Rainbow Dash: You know, I think Twilight's right.
Applejack: You do?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah! If you wanna beat me, you better... RUUUN!
Pinkie Pie: Once again, Rainbow Dash and Applejack are neck and neck, jockeying for position. Applejack inches ahead, now it's Rainbow, it's Applejack, it's Rainbow Dash, it's Applejack...
[horn blaring, crowd cheering]
Applejack: [grunt]
Spike: Oh no, she di'int!
Pinkie Pie: Oh yes, she di'id!
Applejack: Cut it out!
Rainbow Dash: No, you cut it out!
Applejack: You started it.
Rainbow Dash: And now I'm gonna finish it.
Applejack: Oh no, you won't.
Rainbow Dash: Oh yes, I will. [grunt] That's it! All bets are off!
Applejack: Oh no, you don't.
Pinkie Pie: It's Applejack, it's Rainbow Dash, it's Applejack, it's Rainbow Dash--
Rainbow Dash: I won!
Applejack: No, I won!
Rainbow Dash: I won!
Spike: You tied!
Applejack and Rainbow Dash: Tied?!
Applejack: For first?
Pinkie Pie: For last!
Applejack: Last?!
Rainbow Dash: Then who won?
Applejack and Rainbow Dash: You?!
Twilight Sparkle: Oh no, but I did get fifth place, which is rather good considering I've never run a race before.
Applejack: What? How's that even possible?
Rainbow Dash: You ran so slow, and looked at the scenery.
Twilight Sparkle: Exactly. I paced myself, just like my book said. Then at the end, when all the other ponies were worn out, I sprinted to the finish.
Rainbow Dash: I don't believe it. Twilight beat us.
Twilight Sparkle: Well, with all your horsing around, it was quite easy.
Applejack: You're right, Twilight. Our behavior was just terrible.
Rainbow Dash: We weren't very good sports.
Princess Celestia: Sounds to me that an important lesson was learned.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash: Princess Celestia?!
Applejack: W-What are you doin' here?
Princess Celestia: Fall is one of my favorite seasons, so I came to celebrate the Running of the Leaves.
Applejack: I'm sorry you had to see us being such poor sports, Princess.
Princess Celestia: That's all right, Applejack. Anypony can get swept up in the excitement of competition.
Twilight Sparkle: It's important to remember that the friendship is always more important than the competition.
Princess Celestia: Exactly, Twilight. Now, unfortunately, because the two of you were busy tricking each other instead of shaking down leaves, many of the lovely trees of Equestria are still covered.
Applejack: Why, Princess, I bet we can knock those leaves down for you lickety-split. Whaddya say, friend? Wanna go for another run?
Rainbow Dash: I'd love to stretch my legs.