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Episode How Applejack Got Her Hat Back
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[theme song]

Part 1

Rainbow Dash and Rarity: [laughing]
[jazz music]
Applejack: This is a love story. About hats.
Mane Six: [grunting]
Pinkie Pie: Hometown cook-offs are right around the corner! We need this place looking spotless A.S.A.—!
Fluttershy: Pinkie Pie? Is this clean enough?
[door opens]
Rarity: Darlings!
Applejack: Huh? Oh!
Rarity: Sorry I'm late.
Pinkie Pie: Wow! Amazing hat, Rarity!
Applejack: It is amazin'. I have one exactly like it.
Rarity: You know those days when you're just not feeling anything in your massive, option-filled, overflowing closet?
Rarity: [grunting] I have nothing to wear!
Applejack: Mornin', Rarity.
Rarity: [gasps]
Rarity: And I thought to myself, "That's what's missing." I can put on a show with my old west chapeau!
Applejack: You sure can! She... totally can.
[door opens, bell rings]
Rainbow Dash: I believe that's for me.
Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy: Ooh...
Rainbow Dash: [laughs]
Applejack: That was fast.
Rainbow Dash: Equestria Presto instant delivery!
[door opens, bell rings]
Twilight Sparkle: Make room on the bandwagon, y'all!
Applejack: Oh. Another one.
[door opens, bell rings]
Fluttershy: [giggles] I'm a hat pony now.
Applejack: Uh, what is happening?
Rarity: Ooh, Rarity, you taste-making, talented trendsetter! You've done it again!
[bell rings]
Applejack: All right. Get it over with.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash: Ooooh...
Applejack: Phew.
Pinkie Pie: Now I'm ready to perfect my sponge cake for TV! So giddy-up on that cleaning, y'all!
Pinkie Pie: The TV crew will be here in less than twenty-four hours! So let's make it sparkle, people!
Pinkie Pie: Hmm. Applejack, I think you've got that window clean.
Applejack: Huh? Oh. Yeah, I guess you're right.
Applejack: [sighs]
Pinkie Pie: Pull up some stool. What can I do ya for?
Applejack: This big a crisis might call for a double scoop. It's all these hats. I feel like my identity has been stolen.
Pinkie Pie: Sprinkles?
Applejack: Rainbow, please. I love my hat 'cause it shows who I am on the inside and on the outside.
Pinkie Pie: Hot fudge?
Applejack: Mm-hmm. But with everypony wearin' the same hat as me, it's like... I'm not myself. [whimpers]
Pinkie Pie: Well, I'll tell you what I'd do in your hooves. Find a new identity!
Applejack: I don't know. I'm a country filly from peel to core. I'm not sure who else I can be without the hat to match.
Pinkie Pie: Hmmm... Why don't you just give some other hats a try...
Pinkie Pie: ...while I figure out what's going on with my sponge cake? Somehow it's too fluffy.
Applejack: Okay, then... [gulping]
Ponies: Oooh...
Pinkie Pie: You look good!
Applejack: Hmm...
[plane whirring]
Applejack: Uh... what am I doin'? I don't even know what to— [over loudspeaker] Fillies and gentlecolts, this is Captain Applejack speakin'.
[alarm beeping]
Applejack: [distressed sounds]
Twilight Sparkle: Whoop!
Twilight Sparkle: Sorry, Applejack.
Applejack: Phew.
Pinkie Pie: Aw, tough flight?
Applejack: I-I don't know if this hat is for me.
Pinkie Pie: I've got another hat that just might work.
Applejack: [gulping]
[siren wailing]
Applejack: Now this is more like it! Excitement! Adventure! Heroics!
Applejack: HOT!
Rainbow Dash: Almost got it!
Pinkie Pie: I said preheat, not overheat!
Applejack: Hmm...
Applejack: I'm just gonna... [gulping]
Applejack: Who cares about cowpony hats? This new me needs space! [gasps]
Applejack: [gagging]
Pinkie Pie: So? How's it taste? Good enough for hometown? It has to be perfect!
Applejack: [slurp] It's delicious. Best thing I ever tasted. I just don't think I'm gonna be able to reinvent myself. None of these hats are workin'. I miss the old me. The hat me. What's a hat that says "I'm havin' an identity crisis?" [gulping]
Applejack: Hmm. This feels right.
Pinkie Pie: Aww... [chomps] Oh, no! This fluffy failure will not fly!
Applejack: This... also feels right. [chomps]

Part 2

Applejack: What is life without a hat to wear off into the sunset? A hat to get me through the good times and the bad? That is what makes life worth livin'. That hat was full of adventure and spunk. But this black beret matches the core of who I am now. Dark. Alone. ...French? [sighs]
Derek: Hey.
Applejack: Bonjour.
Derek: We love your whole vibe. You seem like the kind of pony who bucks what all the followers follow and goes to the beat of your own drum.
Applejack: That's totally me!
Derek: Whoa.
Applejack: I mean... that's... [clears throat] Whatever.
Derek: Cool.
Matt 1: The coolest.
Matt 2: Very cool.
Derek: Want to join us alternative ponies? We're a group of individually minded ponies that think things that aren't cool are actually cool.
Applejack: Uh, not to nitpick, but acting as a group kinda negates your individual—
Applejack: [clears throat] You know what? Yes. Yes, I would.
Derek: Yay.
Matt 1: The yayest.
Matt 2: Very yay.
Derek: I'm Derek. This is Matt. And this is also Matt. Weird names, I know. That's our whole deal. Being different. Right now, we're into this super-random squishy cube thing.
Matt 1: Cool.
Matt 2: Very cool.
Applejack: Uh, the coolest. What does it, uh, do exactly?
Derek: Doesn't matter. Just as long as nopony else knows about it, it's cool.
Applejack: Ohhhh. [clears throat] Cool.
[jazz music]
Applejack: This here is a love story. But not all love stories have happy endings. [grunts] It's gotta do somethin', right?
[horror music]
Rarity: [giggles] Darling, what are you doing?
Applejack: Uh, nothin'! Just playin' with my food.
Rarity: Where have you been, darling? And where is your trademark hat?
Applejack: Got a new topper now. I'm bucking the trend.
Rarity: Indeed. Do you smell toast? Do you need a smack? How many hooves am I holding up? Never mind. Are you quite all right?
Applejack: Fine. Great. Never better. Who needs a hat when you've got a... squishy-cube thingy?
Rarity: Hmm... Mind if I take a looky-loo? [gasps] Oh! The time! I must go!
Applejack: Wait! Where are you—?
Rarity: Uh, what does it do, exactly?
Applejack: Well...
Rarity: Know what? Doesn't matter. As long as it's cool.
[door opens]
[door closes]
Applejack: Cool. Very cool. The coolest.
[country music]
Applejack: I'm a strong, independent pony who isn't defined by her hat or anypony else's. So let 'em wear their hats.
[door opens]
Applejack: And I'll wear mine. [gasps]
Applejack: Okay... Where'd all the hats go?
Gummy: [belches]
Rarity: Oh, darling. Hats are yesterday's news, darling. I may have let slip that there's a new trend in town.
Rarity: Why, Twilight! You say these squishy-cube things are the hottest trend since cowpony hats?! I say, tell me more!
[ponies gasp]
Twilight Sparkle: I... don't know what that is.
Rarity: What's that?! Everypony is talking about them?! I better go and get one! Or a million! IMMEDIATELY!
[ponies stampeding]
Twilight Sparkle: No idea what you're talking about. What does that thing even do?
Applejack: Rarity, you did all this for me?
Derek: It's happening! They hit the mainstream!
Derek: Apple-J, want to join us on the next big thing? It's teeny tiny tiaras. The twist? We wear them on our flanks.
Applejack: Uh, no. I don't wanna wear teeny tiny tiaras with you. On my flank. I may not need my hat to be myself, but I also don't need to go chasin' trends, mainstream or not.
Derek: Fine, I don't even care, like, whatever...
Rainbow Dash: Looking good, Apple-J! Er, Applejack!
Rarity: Applejack, darling, you're my muse. I don't want my taste-making talents to take away your appetite for being you.
Applejack: They didn't. But it's nice to have it back. If not to define my whole identity, then at least to have sun protection. [chuckles] So, what are we gonna do with all these?
Fluttershy: Hmm...
Pinkie Pie: Hmm...
Twilight Sparkle: Hmm...
Rainbow Dash: Huh...
Pinkie Pie: [chomps, gasps] It's perfect for my sponge cake! It's what's been missing from my hometown cook-off recipe!
Applejack: What? We can eat these?
Mane Six sans Pinkie Pie: [chomp, chewing]
Applejack: [gulps] Oh, for cryin' out loud. WE COULD'VE BEEN EATIN' THESE THE WHOLE TIME!