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Episode I, Cookie; Keynote Pie
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[theme song]

I, Cookie

[door opens]
Pinkie Pie: [squeals] Did you hear the news, Gummy? Everypony's gone, which means you can finally binge all fifteen seasons of Good Sweets with me!
Gummy: [hurls]
Pinkie Pie: Oh. Well, have fun. I'll, uh, just enjoy my alone time. [laughs] All alone.
[door closes]
Pinkie Pie: Huh?
[door closes]
Pinkie Pie: [sighs] This calls for "Party Plan P"!
Pinkie Pie: I forgot "Party Plan P" needs at least two ponies to party. [sighs] I miss everypony. Everything just reminds me of them. Like this cookie Rainbow Dash didn't finish.
Pinkie Pie: Applejack's favorite stool. It wobbles just like her. [yelps] Rarity's lending library. It holds her entire Detective Monet series.
Pinkie Pie: Fluttershy's favorite stuffed dog! It's been missing for weeks. Ah, Twilight's Replitron 5000. [sniffs, sighs] It smells just like her, with a hint of burning plastic. If only we could all hang out, even when we're not hanging out. If only... Hmmm...
Pinkie Pie: Was I supposed to figure something out?
Pinkie Pie: I got it!
Pinkie Pie: [grunts]
[electric sounds]
Pinkie Pie: [laughs] It's ALIVE!
Pinkie Pie: [giggles, imitating Applejack] Well, looky here! We're back! [imitating Twilight] By my calculations, it's like we never left. [imitating Rarity] Au contraire, mon mares! [imitating Fluttershy] I'm sorry we left you alone, Pinkie. [gasps, imitating Rainbow Dash] I was still the fastest to—
Pinkie Pie: [screams] You can move!
Cookie Twilight Sparkle: And we can talk, too. Cookie Dash is saying she's hungry.
Pinkie Pie: Uh, you got all that from her stomps? Well, since you're here, we can all hang out!
[record scratch]
Pinkie Pie: Ooh, ooh! I could bake you something!
Cookie Rarity: Surely you're joking. There's a whole world out there.
Pinkie Pie: [sighs]
Cookie Applejack: Wow. What is this life, and who am I in it?
Cookie Rainbow Dash: Ahhh... Ooh... Who am I?
Pinkie Pie: Whoa-whoa-whoa, wait. You can't leave. We haven't even played a game yet.
Cookie Twilight Sparkle: If we play a game, will that mean we can leave?
Pinkie Pie: Maybe? Or we could play another game after that one. Or you could stay and never leave. Games! Forever!
Cookie Ponies: [growl]
Pinkie Pie: [laughs nervously]
Cookie Ponies: [growling]
Pinkie Pie: [yelps]
Cookie Twilight Sparkle: We get that you don't want to be alone. But that shouldn't stop us from exploring what's out there.
Pinkie Pie: [straining]
Cookie Ponies: Huh? [scream]
Pinkie Pie: Ah, you're right.
Cookie Ponies: Huh?
Pinkie Pie: The world is a big old gumdrop just waiting for you to take a bite. Or stomp.
Cookie Ponies: [cheer]
[door closes]
Pinkie Pie: [sighs] Alone again.
Pinkie Pie: Guess I should clean up this mess.
[door opens]
Pinkie Pie: [gasps] Welcome back, everypony!
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie! We missed you! Did you miss us?
Pinkie Pie: Sure did! Although I had a lot of fun, too. Got creative. You know.
Rainbow Dash: "Half-Chomp Champion"?! You always get my talents, Pinkie!
Applejack: Perfectly steady for me to wobble.
Rarity: How fabulous! You put them in order of my five-star reviews!
Fluttershy: Mmm! You're part of the collection now. [whispers] Forever!
Twilight Sparkle: So, did you get to relax at all?
Pinkie Pie: Yeah, I learned to let go and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Twilight Sparkle: Well then, let's make some cookies and celebrate!
Pinkie Pie: [laughs nervously] Sure.

Keynote Pie

[pages flipping]
Applejack: [pounding] "How to Succeed in Equestria Without Really Trying"? What in tarnation are you readin' that for, Pinkie? You've already got the most successful cupcakery in town!
Pinkie Pie: Relax, Applejack. I'm doing it because I'm ready to take Sugarcube Corner to the big time! The tech world! FILLICON VALLEY!
Pinkie Pie: You get it.
Applejack: Oh, well, shucks. That sounds excitin'. And-and how do you plan on doin' that?
Pinkie Pie: Eh, easy-breezy.
Pinkie Pie: Just like all the best and brightest minds of the business world, I'm planning a tech conference to get investors to contribute to Sugarcube Corner.
Applejack: But how can you improve on cupcakes? They're kind of just... you know... cupcakes.
Pinkie Pie: Well, you're just gonna have to come to my conference to find out, now aren't you?
[record scratch]
Rest of Mane Six: Uh...
Pinkie Pie: Generating buzz already.
Rarity: My, oh, my. I don't know what she's selling, but I'm ready to buy!
Pinkie Pie: Ooh, sorry. Should've given more information. I'm talking about my tech conference, it's later today, and it's here at Sugarcube Corner. Tell your friends!
[door closes]
Pinkie Pie: Can I get a quick tech check? Or is that a pain in the neck?
Producer Pony: Got one on deck.
Pinkie Pie: Glad you made the trek!
Pinkie Pie and Producer Pony: Yeah!/Mm-hmm!
Producer Pony: Note cards?
Pinkie Pie: Know it all by heart.
Producer Pony: Wireless remote? [echoing and enunciating] Cup-cake. Cup-cake. Sibilance. Two. Two. Cup-cake.
Pinkie Pie: Perfect! Investors here?
Producer Pony: Yes, Miss Pie. They're ready for you when you're ready for them.
Pinkie Pie: [deep breath] Pinkie Pie picked a pack of perfect pastries. Pinkie Pie picked a pack of perfect pastries. [hyperventilates]
Producer Pony: Everything okay, Miss Pie?
Pinkie Pie: Can you stall for a few teensy seconds while I... [whimpers] ...FREAK OUT?! [groans]
Pinkie Pie: [groans]
Spike: It's okay to be nervous. But you got this. Some ponies and dragons will invest in anything. I once sunk a bunch of bits into T-shirts. And then I realized – I don't even wear T-shirts! I don't even like T-shirts!
Pinkie Pie: [whimpers] I know you're right. I'm just so nervous all of a sudden. [hyperventilates]
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie, stage fright is no joke. But we'll help you.
Pinkie Pie: But I'm afraid of the audience! I'm afraid of the lights! And my stomach's upset! [hyperventilates] How will I overcome any of this?!
Applejack: With a montage!
[montage music]
[blender whirring]
[stomach rumbles]
Pinkie Pie: [groans, gulping, burps, gasps]
Rarity: Perfect!
Pinkie Pie: [squeals] You've all helped me so much! And I love my new hat! Have to admit I'm not really a turtleneck gal. But wait! Where's Fluttershy?
Rarity: No time to fret about that. You've got this! Unless you don't, in which case I am more than happy to step in. They don't call me Ponyville's number-one understudy for nothing.
Rest of Mane Six: [groan]
Pinkie Pie: Aww, that's so sweet. But I've got this! [sighs]
[curtains draw]
Pinkie Pie: [echoing] Simple. Elegant. Refined sugar. With a dash of party.
[balloon fizzles]
Pinkie Pie: [echoing] Imagine, if you will, a cake that could fit on the sole of your hoof. You'd probably need a pretty big hoof, right? WRONG! The future is here. Sugarcube Corner's new line of designer cakes are sleek, stylish, boxed, and ready for immediate delivery. I have seen the future. And the future is cupcakes. Thank you.
Pinkie Pie: Oh, no! Nopony came!
Fluttershy: Well, we're here, and we've got bits to invest. I've got seed money.
Pinkie Pie: Wow!
Pinkie Pie: Well?
[clock ticking]
Pinkie Pie: [whimpers] SAY SOMETHING!
Fluttershy: Aah!
Spike: Oh, uh, I want to be your silent partner. That's why I didn't say anything. I'll invest!
Pinkie Pie: We're partners?! This is amazing! [squeals] I couldn't have done it without my best friends supporting me!
Rarity: [echoing] So, there I was, opening night, and my costume wasn't done being sewn yet! But, darlings, you bet your mane I know how to improvise! And I—
Pinkie Pie: Whoa-whoa-whoa, wait!
[curtains draw]
Rarity: Thank you!
Pinkie Pie: And scene!
Rest of Mane Six: [cheer]