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Episode May the Best Pet Win!
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Rainbow Dash: Ha-ha! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! [laughs] Whoa!
Owlowiscious: [hoots]
Rainbow Dash: Who? Oh, it's you, Owlowiscious. C'mon, try and keep up! [laughs]
Winona: [barks]
Rainbow Dash: Winona? I mean... Winona's head?! Um, is this weird, or is it just me? Angel? Gummy?! Okay, this is officially beyond weird now and right on down to freaky town.
Opalescence: [hisses]
Rainbow Dash: [gasp] Yaaaaah!
Rainbow Dash: Whaa!
Opalescence: [yowls]
Winona: [barks]
Owlowiscious: [hoots]
Rainbow Dash: Phew.
[theme song]
Winona: [barks]
[ponies chattering]
Applejack: Let's get this thing started!
Pinkie Pie: [giggles]
Rarity: Sincerest apologies, Rainbow, if our pets were bothering you.
Opalescence: [meow]
Rarity: Say you're sorry, Opal.
Opalescence: [hisses]
Rarity: She's... sorry.
Rainbow Dash: What are you all doing out here?
Applejack: Why, we always round up our critters for a regular ol' Pony Pet Playdate in this park.
Rainbow Dash: Uh, you do?
Applejack: Same time every week.
Fluttershy: I thought you knew. You didn't know? She didn't know?
Twilight Sparkle: Well, we had initially planned on inviting Rainbow, of course, except–
Pinkie Pie: We were totally gonna invite you, Rainbow, then Twilight remembered that you don't even have a pet, and Rarity remembered that you really like to take naps in the afternoon, so Applejack figured you wouldn't be missing out on anything anyway, and Fluttershy and I nodded our heads in agreement like this.
Fluttershy: Oh, please don't be mad at us.
Rainbow Dash: Oh, I'm not mad. You all are right. Not much point of a Pony Pet Playdate for me if I'm a pony without a pet, right?
Applejack: Eeexactly. So, if'n you'll excuse us...
[ponies chattering to their pets]
Rainbow Dash: Hey, now wait a minute! Just because I don't have a pet now doesn't mean I never want a pet!
Fluttershy: Ohh! Y, y, Oh, really? You really want a pet? Really? 'Cause I've got so many wonderful choices at my house! Oh, and I know you'll just love them! And they'll love you! Oh, and you'll be best friends forever and ever! Oh!

Now, Rainbow, my dear, I cannot express my delight
It's abundantly clear
That somewhere out here
Is the pet that will suit you just right
[Rainbow Dash]
I can't wait to get started, but first let me set a few rules
It's of utmost importance
The pet that I get
Is something that's awesome and cool
Fluttershy: Awesome, cool, got it!
I have so many wonderful choices, just wait, you will see
[Rainbow Dash]
I need something real fast like a bullet to keep up with me
Sure! How 'bout a bunny?
They're cutesy and wootsie and quick as can be
[Rainbow Dash]
Cutesy? Wootsie? Have you even met me?
Rainbow, have faith
You see, I will bet you
Somewhere in here is the pet that will get you
Fluttershy: Come on, the sky's the limit!
Rainbow Dash: Sky is good. I'd like it to fly.
Fluttershy: Really? Because I think this widdle puddy tat has your name written all over it. Yes, he does. Aww, look, he likes you!
Rainbow Dash: Pass.
I have so many wonderful choices for you to decide
There are otters and seals
With massive appeal
Rainbow Dash: Otters and seals do not fly.
Fluttershy: Maybe not, but I've seen this particular seal catch ten feet of air when he breaches the water!
[seal barks]
Rainbow Dash: That's it. I'm outta here.
Wait! There must be a pet here
That will fit the ticket
How 'bout a ladybug, or a cute cricket?
Rainbow Dash: Bigger. And cooler.
Fluttershy: Bigger, cooler. Right.
I've got just the thing in that tree, Dash
Meet your new fabulous pet, Squirrely!
Rainbow Dash: It's just a squirrel.
Fluttershy: Not just any squirrel. A flying squirrel!
Rainbow Dash: ...Yeah. So, like I was saying...
Fluttershy, pal, this won't cut it
I need a pet to keep up with me
Something awesome, something flying
With coolness that defies gravity!
Fluttershy: I'm sensing you want an animal that can fly.
Rainbow Dash: Ya think?
I have plenty of wonderful creatures who soar in the sky
Like a sweet hummingbird or a giant monarch butterfly
Rainbow Dash: Better, but cooler.
I see. How 'bout an owl, or a wasp, or a toucan?
There's so many wonderful creatures the likes of that
There are falcons and eagles
They are both quite regal
Or perhaps what you need is a dark and mysterious bat?
Rainbow Dash: Now you're talking! But instead of just one standout, now that's too many.
So many choices, and such riches aplenty
Fluttershy: Not a bad problem to have, if you ask me.
[Rainbow Dash]
The bat would be awesome, but the wasp I'm digging too
Do you have something in a yellow striped bat?
Fluttershy: No.
I've got a hot pink flamingo, just dying to meet you
[Rainbow Dash]
What to do, what to do? [gasp]
A prize! That's it! There's really just one way
To find out which animal's best
Hold a contest of speed, agility, and guts
That will put each pet to the test
Don't forget style, that should be considered
[Rainbow Dash]
Then we'll know for sure who's best of the litter
The one who is awesomest cool
[Rainbow Dash]
Just like me
Can't settle for less, 'cause I'm the best
[Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash]
So a contest we will see
[Rainbow Dash]
Who's the number one, greatest, perfectest pet
[Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash]
In the world for me!
May the games
[Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash]
Rainbow Dash: And may the best pet win!
Rainbow Dash: [blows whistle]
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: [blows whistle] Shh! [to assembled animals] So! You all think you've got what it takes to be my pet, do ya? Well, we'll just see about that! If any of you don't think you can handle it, bow out now before you humiliate yourself in front of your peers. This competition isn't for the weak. You'd better be prepared to step up your game! You call that flapping?! That's better. There's only room on Team Dash for one of you, and my future pet needs to be able to take it to the extreme! Any questions?
Applejack: I got one. Does she understand what a pet really needs?
Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, like care and attention, love and affection– Ugh! And breath mints!
Fluttershy: Now, you just pay attention, and try your best, and–
Rainbow Dash: Seriously, Fluttershy! The turtle? What did you bring that thing here for?
Fluttershy: Technically he's a tortoise, and he's always dreamed of being somepony's pet. He just wants a chance to compete, he won't get in the way. You won't even know he's here.
Rainbow Dash: No.
Fluttershy: Oh, just let him try.
Rainbow Dash: Ugh, but there's no way he can possibly keep up. Look at him!
Fluttershy: It won't hurt to let him try.
Rainbow Dash: But–
Fluttershy: Just let him try?
Rainbow Dash: Grrgh, ugh, fine! But don't say I didn't warn you! This isn't a game, you know! Alright, now these games will determine which one of you has the most important qualities I'm looking for in a pet. Speed. Agility. Guts. Style. Coolness. Awesomeness. And radicalness.
Twilight Sparkle: Aren't those all the same thing?
Rainbow Dash: You would think that, Twilight. And that's why you would never qualify to be my pet.
Rainbow Dash: Speed! On your marks...
[duck quacks]
Rainbow Dash: Get set... [blows whistle] Sorta speedy... not speedy... pretty speedy... could be more speedy...
[falcon cries]
Rainbow Dash: Yeah! That's speed!
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: [to the tortoise] Tsk-tsk. That's just sad.
Rainbow Dash: Agility! Sorta agile... not agile... pretty agile... could be more agile... [to the tortoise] wanna know the opposite of agility? That.
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, baby, now that's what I call agility! [sing-song voice] Don't leave me hangin'! I'm gonna have to shave a point off your score for that.
Rainbow Dash: Okay! Which of you has the guts to try and get Opal's favorite toy away from her?
Opalescence: [growls]
[toy squeaks]
Rainbow Dash: Now that takes guts!
Opalescence: [yowls]
Rainbow Dash: Style! Any pet of mine's gotta look good, 'cause you gotta make me look good!
Rainbow Dash: Coolness!
[owl hoots]
Rainbow Dash: Sorta cool.
[duck quacks]
Rainbow Dash: Not cool.
[bat cries]
Rainbow Dash: Pretty cool.
[toucan cries]
Rainbow Dash: Could be cooler.
[wasp buzzing]
Rainbow Dash: Not what I had in mind. [to butterfly] I can't hear you!
[tortoise coughs]
Rainbow Dash: Eugh.
[eagle cries]
Rainbow Dash: Now that's a cool sound!
Rainbow Dash: [to bat] Sorta awesome. [to toucan] Not awesome. [to flamingo] Could be more awesome. [to owl] Ho ho ho, yeah, that is awesome! [to tortoise] Uh, you did that already. That's pretty much all you can do, huh?
[My Little Pony theme song plays on glasses]
[bat screeches]
[glasses shatter]
Rainbow Dash: Whoa! That was truly awesome! But I'm afraid this is the radicalness competition, so I'm gonna have to take some points off.
Rainbow Dash: [sigh] Listen, turtle...
Fluttershy: Tortoise.
Rainbow Dash: Whatever! You've had your fun, but I think you and I both know who made the cut and who didn't.
[turtle croaks]
Rainbow Dash: You didn't.
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: I mean... 'A' for effort and everything, you gave it your best shot, maybe I've got a gold star sticker around here somewhere you can have, but, seriously, go home. You're starting to creep me out. So, anyway, you're all outstanding competitors, but there can only be one of you who's number one. So the final tie-breaking contest is going to be... pause for dramatic effect... a race against... me! Through Ghastly Gorge! Dun dun dun!
[eagle cries]
Rainbow Dash: Gesundheit.
[Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" plays]
Rainbow Dash: Actually, Ghastly Gorge isn't scary. It's fun. Heh. I've flown through it a million times myself, so obviously I'll be at the front of the pack. But whichever of you make it across the finish line with me will have proven you can keep up with me, and will have earned the honor and glory of getting to be my pet! Ready? Setgo! Woo-hoo! Haha! Try to keep up! Can't catch me, ha-ha!
[wind whistling]
Rainbow Dash: [whistles] C'mon, slowpokes! You wanna win, don't ya? Oh! I forgot to tell you! Watch out for the Quarray eels! They don't like it when you get too close to their nests, like this. Whoa.
[Quarray eels growl]
Rainbow Dash: Easy, peasy, one-two-threesy! Right, guys?
[rock cracking]
Rainbow Dash: AVALANCHE! Hey! Whoaaaa! [grunts] C'mon... no! Wait! Come back! Don't leave me! I'm the one who's supposed to win! I don't wanna end up stuck here... forever! Oh no, nonono, th-this can't be happening. Forever is way too long to be trapped in Ghastly Gorge. I mean, it's like, forever! Somepony! Anypony! Help me!
Rainbow Dash: Wahoo! My prayers have been answered! Oh, thankyouthankyoutha– You?! Oh no! Now I'm not only going to be stuck here forever, I'm gonna be stuck here forever with the most annoying turtle in the world! Gyh, I'm doomed. DOOMED, I tell you!
[ponies cheering]
[cheering slowly dies down]
Twilight Sparkle: Hm, something's not right here.
Fluttershy: Where's Rainbow Dash?
Applejack: Great galloping galoshes! There's been an avalanche in there!
Spike: Rainbow!
[ponies' concerned chattering]
Pinkie Pie: Wait! Look!
Fluttershy: It's the turtle!
Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Twilight Sparkle: Tortoise!
Fluttershy: Oh, whatever...
Twilight Sparkle: And he's carrying something on his back...
Pinkie Pie: Ahh! It's Rainbow Dash! It's her! It's Rainbow!
[ponies cheering]
[cheering slowly dies down again]
Fluttershy: Maybe we'd better go meet him halfway.
[ponies cheering]
Spike: Huh. Way to go, little guy!
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, thank goodness you're not hurt, Rainbow!
Rainbow Dash: Just my pride.
Rarity: I certainly hope all of this dreadful dust was worth it! [sneezes]
Applejack: It sure was, if'n it means Rainbow gets to have her own little critter just like the rest of us from now on.
Rainbow Dash: Uh... thanks. What you did... I owe you one.
Fluttershy: Rainbow! Your new pet is over here waiting for you!
[ponies awing]
Rainbow Dash: Oh... right... yeah... that.
Spike: What's the matter?
Pinkie Pie: You got your perfect pet, right?
Fluttershy: The best of the best like you wanted, remember? It can fly and it's not a squirrel! Should we sing about it again?
Applejack: A falcon sure looks good on ya, Rainbow.
[camera clicks]
[tortoise yelps]
Rainbow Dash: Easy, fella. Nothing to be afraid of. The falcon sure does look cool... he's absolutely everything I wanted in a pet. [sigh]
Fluttershy: Yay?
Rainbow Dash: But I said whoever crosses the finish line with me gets to be my pet.
Pinkie Pie: You did! You did say that! She did say that, that was the rule!
Rainbow Dash: And the only racer who crossed the finish line with me was the one who stopped to save me when I needed help. The tortoise!
[falcon cry]
Twilight Sparkle: But what about the–
Applejack: Wouldja look at that? He even smiles slow.
Everypony: [laughing]
Rainbow Dash: Spike, take a letter. Dear Princess Celestia,
I used to think that the most important traits to look for in a pet, or any best friend, were all physical competitive abilities. But now I can see how short-sighted and shallow that was.
Opalescence: [growls]
Rainbow Dash: Today I learned what the most important quality really is. A certain kind of spirit. A stick-to-it-ive-ness. A never give up, can-do attitude that's the mark of a real winner. And this tortoise has it.
Twilight Sparkle: Tenacity.
Rainbow Dash: Gesundheit. You just can't stop that little guy. He's like a... like a... Tank!
Fluttershy: But Rainbow! You didn't want a pet that couldn't fly because it would keep you grounded and hold you back, remember?
Rainbow Dash: Hmm...
[ponies chattering]
Rainbow Dash: Heh. C'mon, Tank! We're gonna be late for our very first Pony Pet Playdate!
[helicopter rotor noise]