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Episode Simple Ways
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Rainbow Dash: Wow! I can't believe how many ponies showed up!
Pinkie Pie: I can! I mean, finding out who the Ponyville Days pony of ceremonies is is a pretty big deal!
Twilight Sparkle: I didn't know Granny Smith was on the selection committee.
Applejack: Of course she is. Ponyville Days celebrates the founding of Ponyville, and she was right there.
Pinkie Pie: I'm glad the committee didn't automatically pick me so everypony gets a chance to see how great being me actually is! Even though the festival's basically a party and the pony of ceremonies gets to organize the whole thing! So it'd totally make sense if they did pick me.
Ponies: Shhh!
[microphone feedback]
Mayor Mare: Citizens of Ponyville, this year's applicants were all exceptional, but there can only be one Ponyville Days pony of ceremonies. And that pony is...
Pinkie Pie: [long inhalation]
Mayor Mare: Rarity!
Ponies: [cheering]
Applejack: Whoo-ee! All right, Rarity!
Rainbow Dash: Yeah! Whoo-oo-oo! [laughs]
Twilight Sparkle: Congratulations, Rarity! Do you know what you're gonna do?
Spike: [straining noises]
Rarity: Oh, I might have a few ideas.
[theme song]
Pinkie Pie: I'm so excited for the festival, I can hardly stand up straight!
Twilight Sparkle: Me too. I'm glad Rarity was picked. I know she'll add a touch of elegance to the whole thing!
Applejack: Probably more than a touch!
[lights buzzing on]
Spike: [clears throat] [reading] This year's Ponyville Days festival, designed by Rarity, will feature various high-class events such as... a silent cider auction and tasting...
Main cast sans Rarity: Ooooh!
Spike: ...A Ponyville gala in town square...
Main cast sans Rarity: Ahhhh!
Spike: ...And, of course, a Ponyville fashion show.
Main cast sans Rarity: Ooooh!
Spike: This year's Ponyville Days festival pony of ceremonies creates shimmering couture of her own design.
Rarity: And the theme is... "Small Town Chic"!
Twilight Sparkle: Wow, Rarity. You really have put a lot of effort into this.
Applejack: I'll say.
Fluttershy: Oh, I think it's going to be magical.
Rarity: [gasps] Do you really think so?
Pinkie Pie: Are you kidding? I can't wait!
Rarity: Oh, that's such a relief. But of course, I couldn't possibly do it all on my own. The festival is in three days!
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie and I can hang lights and decorations in the town square!
Applejack: And I can get Sweet Apple Acres all ready for the cider tastin'.
Rarity: Oh, that's just perfect! And now, Twilight, if you and Fluttershy wouldn't mind helping with the fashion show...
Twilight Sparkle: Of course!
Fluttershy: I'd be honored.
Rarity: I can focus on the thing I'm worried about most of all.
Main cast sans Rarity: What?
Rarity: Creating a Ponyville Days festival fantastic enough to impress... Trenderhoof!
Applejack: Uh, who's Trenderhoof?
Rarity: What?! How can you not know who Trenderhoof is? Trenderhoof is only the most amazing, handsomest travel writer to have ever traveled or written! Before Las Pegasus became an Equestria travel destination, he wrote about it! Before the culinary revolution in Trottingham, he discovered it! He knows what's going to be hot even before it's tepid! [giggles]
Twilight Sparkle: Sounds like somepony has a little bit of a crush.
Rarity: Oh, Twilight, "crush" doesn't even begin to describe it. He's practically divine. I can't believe he's coming! [tittering]
[train engine noises]
Rarity: Thank you ever so much for joining me, Twilight. I don't think I could have met Trenderhoof on my own!
Twilight Sparkle: It's no problem, but you shouldn't be nervous about meeting him.
[ponies chattering]
Rarity: Is that him? Is he here? Twilight, is he there?
Twilight Sparkle: Uhh... I'm not sure.
Rarity: You don't suppose he's decided not to come? Twilight, I don't see him! What if he doesn't arrive? The whole festival will be a disaster! Twilight, where is he?!
Rarity: [clears throat] Sorry.
Twilight Sparkle: Rarity, you have to get a hold of yourself. I mean, you haven't even met him yet!
[bubbles popping]
Rarity: [gasps]
Twilight Sparkle: What's wrong?
Rarity: Shh! [hushed, quickly] It's him, it's him, is it him? Is it him? It's him, he's here, he's here!
Twilight Sparkle: Well, go up and talk to him!
Rarity: [unintelligible screeching] I can't! [nervous laughing] Uh, hi– [clears throat] Hello, Mr. Trenderhoof. I am Rarity, and I have been chosen as pony of ceremonies for the Ponyville Days festival. [nervous laughing]
Trenderhoof: Please, call me 'Trend'.
Rarity: And over here will be the climax of the festival, the Ponyville Days gala! Music, dancing! [laughs nervously] And of course a locally sourced menu of delicious treats.
Trenderhoof: Reminds me of the "Spring Fling meets Manehattan Wedding" I wrote about in Gallop & Prance.
Rarity: Exactly! I, I can't even describe how much your work has influenced me!
Rarity: And finally, Sweet Apple Acres. Ponyville's core, heh-heh, so to speak, where our quaint little hamlet began.
Trenderhoof: Oh, breathtaking! I've heard about it of course, but to see it in vérité, to stand on the soil of a working farm... you can really feel the authenticity.
Rarity: Oh, yes, uh, they, they really do grow apples here.
Trenderhoof: Thank you, Rarity. Thank you for bringing me here. This farm is truly something special.
Rarity: Oh, I had planned to transform it into an elegant country inn for the festival... but now I see just how special it is au naturel.
Trenderhoof: Au naturel indeed.
[bubbles popping]
Trenderhoof: Who... is... that?
Applejack: [panting]
Rarity: Who? Applejack? Ahem! Why are you staring at her like that?
Trenderhoof: I've seen a lot in my travels, but I've never beheld such beauty. Applejack... the pony of my dreams...
Spike: Rarity? Rarity! Hello?
Rarity: [muffled sobbing]
Spike: I brought my cider-tasting cup. Are you ready to go try the samples?
Rarity: [sobbing throughout] What's the point?!
Spike: Rarity, what's wrong?
Rarity: [quietly] Nothing.
Spike: Is it something I said?
Rarity: [quietly] He doesn't like me.
Spike: What?
Rarity: [quietly] He doesn't like me.
Spike: Rarity, I can't hear what you're—
Rarity: He doesn't like me because he has a crush on Applejack, even though I've had a crush on him ever since the beginning of time, and it's not fair!
Spike: Trenderhoof doesn't like you? That's ridiculous!
Rarity: Oh, Spike, how could you ever know what it's like to be totally obsessed with a pony only to find out they're obsessed with somepony else?
Rarity: I mean, what could Applejack possibly have that I don't?!
Spike: I 'unno.
Rarity: Hmm...
Trenderhoof: You know, I have such respect for the work ethic of Earth ponies.
Applejack: Uh, gee, thanks. Granny Smith always said, "Pick an apple a day and keep trouble away."
Trenderhoof: How many varieties of apples do you think there are?
Applejack: Uh, on the farm or in all of Equestria? 'Cause—
Trenderhoof: I once had an apple so rare, they thought it was extinct. I ate four of them. [bites]
Applejack: Is that a fact?
Trenderhoof: That's my thing. I take the mundane, the simple, the unappreciated, and I make it relatable.
Applejack: Well, I hope you can relate to Ponyville.
Trenderhoof: Me too. But enough about me. I wanna know about you! What do apples mean to Applejack?
Applejack: Look, I'm glad you're interested in Ponyville 'n' all, but I'm kinda busy with my chores. And if I can't get 'em done, there won't be a Ponyville Days festival for you to write about.
Rarity: Well, that will never do!
Applejack: Rarity, what are you wearin'?
Rarity: What, this old thing?
Applejack: Aren't you too busy plannin' the festival to keep makin' new outfits for it?
Rarity: I am. But the thought of hauling apples inspired me, and I just couldn't stop myself!
Applejack: Really?
Rarity: If there's one thing I love, it's hauling apples!
Trenderhoof: [dreamily] I'm growing fond of it myself.
Applejack: [under her breath] Maybe you two should try it sometime.
Trenderhoof: I'm feeling a tad inspired.
Without farm life, there'd be such disparity
These thoughts I think with great clarity
Apples high to the sky
She's the one of my eye
That fruit-hauling pony named... Applejack!
Rarity: [mule bray]
[bubble shattering]
Spike: Rarity, why do you want to plow a field?
Rarity: Is it me, or could this use a splash of color? And maybe a wash!
Spike: Don't we need to check on the gala decorations?
Rarity: Yes, yes, of course, but Trend obviously has a thing for farm life. If I can't convince him that I'm just as much of a farm hoof as Applejack, I'll never get him interested in the festival.
Spike: The festival. Right.
Rarity: And I do appreciate your help ever so much. I couldn't do a thing without you, Spikey-poo.
Spike: Well, that's what friends are for!
Rarity: Right, so. [whips reins] Come on! [grunts] Farm... thing! [sighs] Oh, how does Applejack do it?
Applejack: Well, it would help if the harness was on right. What are you doin'?
Rarity: I am simply lending a hoof with the chores, which I love doing ever so much.
Applejack: Well if you're still interested after the festival I can teach you all about it. But right now, I need to get the plowin' done, if you don't mind.
Rarity: Not at all. Ugh! Oh!
Spike: She makes it look so easy.
Trenderhoof: [dreamily] I know. Isn't she fantastic?
Applejack: [grunts]
Trenderhoof: [clapping]
Rarity: I really don't see what the fuss is all about.
Applejack: Now, Rarity, you be careful. If you don't get the buckin' just right, you could sprain a hoof.
Rarity: I am perfectly familiar with the apple-bucking process, thank you very much. But while you seem to rely on raw power, I believe a certain amount of style is required. It's really more of a dance, if you ask me. [happy 'hm'ing noises] Et voilà!
Applejack: Well, your way is definitely long on style.
Rarity: Thank you.
Applejack: Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have some more chores to do. Inside!
[chickens clucking]
Trenderhoof: Rarity, can I ask you something?
Rarity: Oh, why, Trend, you can ask me anything.
Trenderhoof: I've been meaning to ask for a while, and frankly I'm sort of embarrassed. Rarity... do you think... Applejack would be my date for the festival?
Rarity: Why don't you go ask her yourself?! Hmph!
[chickens clucking]
[door slamming]
Applejack: Whew! Well, that was close.
Rarity: If you've come to apologize, there's really no need.
Applejack: What are you talkin' about?
Rarity: Let's dispense with the charade, shall we?
Applejack: Listen, I know you really want Trend to like you—
Rarity: And he does! Despite somepony's best efforts!
Applejack: I swear I don't know why he's payin' so much attention to me. And I don't know anypony who's that interested in farmin'. Not even me!
Rarity: Well, maybe it's time Trend met a real country pony.
Applejack: Shouldn't you be workin' on the festival instead of comin' up with new ways to impress Trend?
Rarity: Oh, I'm sure you'd love that. Well, I have a new vision for the festival, [in country accent] and it's gonna be more country than the whole Apple family put together!
Fluttershy: Um, isn't it a little late to be changing the theme?
[door closes]
Twilight Sparkle: Applejack, what's going on?
Applejack: I'm too scared to guess.
[lights buzz]
Rarity: [country accent] Firstly, I just want to thank you all for comin', and second, I know y'all will all adore my new festival theme!
Spike: [playing banjo]
Rarity: [country accent] "Simple Ways"!
Applejack: [laughing]
Rarity: [country accent throughout] Well? What's so funny?
Applejack: Rarity, that is the silliest getup I have ever seen!
Fluttershy: It is a little funny.
Rarity: Fun-nay?
Twilight Sparkle: [laughing] Rarity, you aren't serious, are you?
Rarity: [normal voice] Well of course I'm serious– [clears throat] [back in country accent] Why wouldn't I be?
Applejack: Because you would never dress like that. You like fashion and high society and fancy things.
Rarity: And I can like plowin' fields and haulin' apples just as much.
Applejack: But you don't!
Rarity: How do you know what I like?
Applejack: Because I know you.
Rarity: Wail, maybe you don't know me as well as you thank.
Applejack: And I suppose it's just a coincidence that Trenderhoof seemed so interested in country life, too?
Rarity: I don't know what you're gittin' at!
Applejack: Well then, I guess I'll just have to show you!
Rarity: Be my guest! Now, if you all will excuse me, I have a hootenanny of a festival to put on.
Applejack: [growls]
Rarity: [country accent throughout] Now, to be a model in the Simple Ways fashion show, you might think "simple" means "less is more". Well, that just ain't so. If you want to be real simple, more is more. Now, y'all go off and make yourselves look just like that. [to Spike] Who's our next model for the fashion show?
Spike: Um... Apple... Jewel?
Rarity: Who the hay is that?
[tango music]
Rarity: Is this some kind of joke?
Applejack: [upper-class accent throughout] Why, Rarity, whatever would make you think I was joking?
Rarity: [normal voice] Because you would never wear an ensemble like that. You like plowing fields and hauling apples—
Applejack: And I can like fashion just as much.
Rarity: [back in country accent] But you don't!
Applejack: Well, maybe you do not know me as well as you think.
Rarity: Fine. But I got a whole festival to plan, so if you're goin' to start modelin', just get on with it!
Applejack: Life is a festival, and you should celebrate it by looking just like me! Because I'm a trend-setting fashionista!
[camera snapping]
Rarity: [normal voice] You're a trend-setting fashionista?! Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever– I mean... [back in country accent] good for you. I, on the other hoof, couldn't care less how I look, long as I get the chores done. [mule bray]
Applejack: Oh, is that so?
Rarity: Yes, indeedy-doodle!
Applejack: [gasp] Not me! My mane needs to be perfectly coiffed at all times.
Rarity: Well, my mane is full of dust and split ends.
Applejack: My hooves are so polished, you can see your reflection in them.
Rarity: My hooves are cracked and dry from working in the fields!
Applejack: I'm so fashion-forward.
Rarity: I wear droopy drawers!
Applejack: I smell like rosebuds.
Rarity: I love being covered in mud!
Rarity: [normal voice] Goodness! Your couture! Ooh, it's bad. Will somepony bring me a towel to wipe this repulsive filth from my hooves?!
Applejack: [normal voice] There's the Rarity I know!
Rarity: Oh, Applejack, I'm sorry I said all those things. You're a true friend who probably knows me better than I know myself. I don't know what I was thinking wearing this ridiculous outfit.
Applejack: I kinda know how you feel.
Rarity: Oh, but you were just trying to help me see how silly I was being. And you were right. [sighs] Besides, that gown looks just gorgeous on you. I wish I hadn't ruined it.
Applejack: Thanks! It's nice, ain't it?
Rarity: It's magnificent! Wherever did you get it?
Applejack: Oh, it's, uh, one of yours.
Rarity: I'll need three gallons of boiling water and one ounce of detergent, stat!
Trenderhoof: [clears throat] I'm moving to Ponyville! Being the most interesting pony in Equestria is exhausting. I want to leave my exotic, exciting life behind and live on a farm!
Applejack and Rarity: What?!
Applejack: Well, that's real nice, but I sure hope you weren't thinkin' of Sweet Apple Acres.
Trenderhoof: Oh.
Applejack: Uh, look, you're a fine pony, but, uh, well, I'm, uh...
Rarity: I think what Applejack is trying to say is that there's something unappealing about a pony who'd change themselves so much just to impress somepony else. If somepony doesn't like you for who you are, it's their loss.
Trenderhoof: Well, this is awkward.
Rarity: Not at all. In fact, I think I know just how you feel.
Applejack: What do you think, Rarity? Is it too late to go back to "Small Town Chic"?
Rarity: Not if I can help it!
[ponies talking in background]
Rarity: Organizing the Ponyville Day celebration was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I learned an important lesson. Real friends will like you for who you are, and changing yourself to impress them is no way to make new ones. And when you're as fabulous as I am, it's practically a crime!