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Episode Sparkle's Seven
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Spike: Twilight! Look at this scroll I just got!
[fanfare plays]
Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Do you know what this means?
Spike: Uh-huh!
Starlight Glimmer: Uh, I don't. What's so exciting about a toy crown?
Spike: [laughs] This is no "toy crown". It's the hard-won helm of the Sibling Supreme!
Twilight Sparkle: When Shining Armor and I were small, we competed over everything.
[wind blowing]
[montage music]
Twilight Sparkle: [voiceover] To keep it friendly, our parents gave us gold stars every time we did something special. Sharing... getting good grades... even telling a really funny joke. And at the end of each week, we'd add up the stars. The sibling with the most would win the Crown of the Sibling Supreme — and bragging rights — 'til next time.
Starlight Glimmer: Guess that explains your love of charts and so much else.
Spike: I always wanted to be Sibling Supreme one day. [reading] "Meet me at Celestia's castle to decide who deserves the crown once and for all."
Twilight Sparkle and Spike: Race you there!
[door opening and closing]
Starlight Glimmer: Guess I'll watch the school?
[theme song]
[door opens]
Twilight Sparkle: [gasps]
Twilight Sparkle: You're wearing it?!
Shining Armor: Look, I know you've always held a grudge because I left home with this.
Twilight Sparkle: Grudge? [scoffs] What grudge? Just because you've had it for way longer than you should have and I never got a chance to win it back!
Princess Celestia: With the return of Sombra, Princess Luna and I felt it was time to reinforce the castle's defenses.
Princess Luna: I said we could do it ourselves, but some ponies are a bit stubborn.
Princess Celestia: So I asked our old Captain of the Guard to handle the job.
Shining Armor: I've taken the security here to a whole new level. The only thing I need now is somepony to test it.
Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] You want me to break into Celestia's castle?
Shining Armor: If you can get past my defenses, steal the crown, and get out, you'll be Sibling Supreme forever!
Twilight Sparkle: For-ev-er...
Shining Armor: But! If you fail, I keep the crown.
Twilight Sparkle: Deal! Wait. Are you sure this counts? Mom and Dad aren't giving us any stars.
Princess Celestia: I will represent their authority. And thank you, Twilight. Your help will reveal if there are any holes in our security.
Princess Luna: [nickers]
Shining Armor: And there aren't. I've designed a multi-tiered, impenetrable, triple-backed-up line of defense.
Shining Armor: [voiceover] The castle is surrounded by shards of Queen Chrysalis' throne. Thanks to Star Swirl, its anti-magic powers are now tuned to stop anycreature from using a spell to get inside. You can't fly in, either.
[fans whirring]
Shining Armor: [voiceover] Giant fans keep anycreature from flying too close to the castle.
[bird squawks]
[bricks clink]
Shining Armor: [voiceover] Plus, the entrances to the tunnels below the castle have been sealed, so there's no underground access. And even if you could get in — which you can't — I've doubled the ranks of security. Ponies protect every hallway and door, which can only be opened with royal guard medals.
Shining Armor: Even if you brought an army, the throne room is the safest spot in Equestria. I rigged a floor trap to activate at the slightest touch.
Shining Armor: But say you avoid the floor — still no luck, because I've employed nature's alarm system.
[geese honking]
Spike: Geese?
Shining Armor: You can hear their honks all the way in Ponyville.
[goose honks, snaps]
Shining Armor: Plus they bite. [nervous laugh]
[goose honks]
Twilight Sparkle: So that's what we're up against.
Applejack: Whew. That's a barrel and a half of obstacles. Plus a bushel and a peck of impenetrability.
Rarity: And all of this to win some fillyhood competition with your brother?
Twilight Sparkle: It's more than that! Okay, it's exactly that. And to protect Celestia's castle!
Fluttershy: If it means that much to you, Twilight, we're in.
Pinkie Pie: I was already in! Come on, who doesn't want to hang with geese?!
Rainbow Dash: Of course we'll help. But how?
Spike: Shining Armor may have come up with some great security, but he'll never guess Twilight's plan.
Twilight Sparkle: We play to our strengths and defeat all of the security measures. That way, if one of us fails, the others will still have a shot at getting the crown. Pinkie, you'll distract the guards with a surprise party.
Pinkie Pie: Yes, sir, Twilight, sir!
Twilight Sparkle: Applejack, you'll buck your way into the sealed tunnels. Rainbow Dash, if anypony can outfly those wind turbines, it's you. Rarity, you'll sew us guard costumes so we can sneak past security. Then Fluttershy will disable the throne room alarm by charming the geese.
Spike: [belches]
Spike: It's from Shining Armor. [reading] "Dear Twily, hope your idea isn't just..." [indistinct muttering] Tunnels? He guessed your whole plan!
Twilight Sparkle: What?! Pinkie party, Rarity costumes... "Signed, the future Sibling Supreme"?! Oh, come on! [grumbles]
Rarity: Twilight, darling, nopony knows you better than your own brother.
Twilight Sparkle: So you're saying I should give up?
Rarity: I'm saying your brother will win. No matter how brilliant your plan is, no matter how many variations you try, it will be something your brother expects, and he'll always win! Unless... when the perfect chance comes along, you do something he can't expect. Then you'll win.
Spike: You've been practicing that speech, haven't you?
Rarity: A little bit. It felt like I rushed. Did I rush it?
Applejack: Absolutely not.
Fluttershy: Oh, no.
Pinkie Pie: Yeah, it was fast-ish.
Rarity: We have to do the opposite of what Shining Armor expects. Therefore, Twilight cannot mastermind the plan. But I can!
Applejack: That's... definitely unexpected.
Rainbow Dash: Uh, how is you making a break-in plan the opposite of Twilight doing it?
Rarity: Because my plan is for each of us to devise our own unexpected part of it. Allow me to demonstrate.
[magic sounds]
[harp flourish]
[indistinct talking]
[film noir music]
Rarity: We're looking for a pony with information.
Rainbow Dash: We got questions, and you're gonna serve us up some answers, juice jockey!
Rarity: Where is the secret entrance to the passages under Canterlot Castle?
Server Pony: Shining Armor sealed 'em all. There's no secret entrance.
Rarity: There's always a secret entrance!
Rainbow Dash: So make like a glass of O.J. and spill!
Pinkie Pie: Ooh, ooh, ooh! I know what I can do!
Pinkie Pie: [voiceover] You're gonna need a lookout, so I can be your eye in the sky. [on-screen] Too low, silly! Up here!
[jangle pop music]
Saturn: [laughs] Oh, Pinkie! That tickles! [laughs]
Pinkie Pie: [laughs]
Pinkie Pie: What?
Applejack: How about somethin' a little more down-to-earth? Like, I distract the guard ponies with a farewell performance by my alter ego, famous country-western superstar Apple Chord!
Twilight Sparkle: I didn't know you had an alter ego. And why would she be giving a farewell performance?
Applejack: Well, it's a long story.
Applejack: [voiceover] Back on the farm, playin' music was about makin' her family smile. Word of her talent spread, and soon, Apple Chord was playin' real shows.
[crowd cheering]
Applejack: [voiceover] The more she played, the bigger those shows got.
[crowd cheering]
Applejack: [voiceover] But she missed playin' for her family... So one day, she gave it all up. Seein' her family smile was all she ever wanted from her music.
Applejack: Of course, Apple Chord could come out of retirement for a farewell concert this one time.
Rainbow Dash: Wait. Did you just make all that up, or did that actually happen?
Applejack: Um...
Rarity: Doesn't matter. It's perfect. Fluttershy? Spike?
Fluttershy: Well, I guess the opposite of what I'm good at is... [gasps] ...being in small spaces.
Spike: I always wanted to be a super-spy. Is that the opposite of anything?
[metal clanging]
Spike: Special Agent Fluttershy, target detected below.
Fluttershy: It's almost too easy.
[Mission Impossible-esque music]
[laser sounds]
Twilight Sparkle: Mm-mm. I guess I'm the only one left that still needs a plan.
Rarity: [laughing] Oh, no, darling. That is the plan. You shall do nothing!
Twilight Sparkle: [gasps]
Spike: Shining Armor definitely won't expect that.
[fans whirring]
Shining Armor: Applejack? What are you doing?
Applejack: Applejack? [laughs] Who's that? My name's Apple Chord, and I've got a couple of songs to play for ya. Clap your hooves if you know 'em! And a one, and a two, and a...
My love is like a barrel
A barrel full of hay
[wind blowing]
[hot air activating]
Rainbow Dash: The Wonderbolts did a fly-by, and the only way past those giant fans and into the castle ducts is here. But there's no room for mistakes!
Pinkie Pie: Just like space travel!
Fluttershy: Uh, Pinkie? We're not actually going into space, right?
Pinkie Pie: [giggles] No, silly! I'm dropping you two off as soon as we're close to the fans! Then I'm going into space!
Shining Armor: You're up to something, Twily.
Twilight Sparkle: Nope. Just looking at the flowers. [sniffs, sighs]
Shining Armor: [unconvinced] Right.
Twilight Sparkle: [sniffs] Ooh! Maybe Rarity's plan will work!
Pinkie Pie: Canterlot! We have a problem! [screams]
Applejack: I know that one's a crowd favorite. What say we play it one more time? And a one, and a two, and a—
Pinkie Pie: [screaming]
Applejack: [quietly] A distraction's a distraction.
Twilight Sparkle: Where's Spike and Fluttershy? Did they make it into the castle?
Pinkie Pie: They jumped out right before the balloon went [blows raspberries] but that's all I could see without being in space, where I didn't get to go!
Twilight Sparkle: Let's hope Rarity and Rainbow Dash had better luck.
Rarity: What's this? Closed?!
BeauDe Mane: Oh, the seedy juice joint is always closed around this time.
Rarity: Then how are we meant to shake down ne'er-do-wells for information?!
BeauDe Mane: What sort of information do you need?
Rainbow Dash: Um, the location to a secret entrance to the passages under Canterlot Castle.
BeauDe Mane: You mean that one?
Rarity: Yes, thank you. That will do nicely.
Rainbow Dash: Zephyr Breeze?!
Rarity: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, darling, this couldn't be more perfect!
Rainbow Dash: How is this perfect?! He's the most annoying pony in Equestria, and he's totally obsessed with me, and we have to come up with a way to distract— Oh, no. Oh, no-no, no way! Unh-unh!
Rainbow Dash: [sighs]
Zephyr Breeze: [slurps] Wha...? Rainbow! I knew you'd come running when you heard I got this job! The mares love a pony in uniform, am I right?
Rainbow Dash: Not really. I mean, eh, totally. Why don't you step into the light so I can see how... ugh... handsome you look in it?
[film noir music]
Rarity: [grunting]
Zephyr Breeze: I told the sarge that gold kinda clashes with my aura, but apparently, they aren't big on input. Still, I totally managed to rock the look, don't you think?
Rainbow Dash: Yep. You're real guard material.
Zephyr Breeze: I'm part of the castle team now, so I'm basically— Whoa! We got a swooner! [seductively] It's good you're finally being honest with your feelings for me, Rainbows.
Rainbow Dash: [gags] Blech.
Zephyr Breeze: The truth is such a gift. Like, I had to follow my bliss to see guarding is my calling. Like, look at me go. I'm gonna walk over here, and I go whoo! Over there! And I go, "Yeah!" and sometimes, I just stand like this and look real cool, and I go down the hallway and go, "Unh, unh, unh, unh, unh!"
[glass scraping]
Spike: [gasps, sighs]
Fluttershy: [hushed] We'll have to glide to the throne. No flapping.
[goose grunts]
Fluttershy: [gasps]
[geese honking]
[trapdoor opening and closing]
[door opens]
Princess Luna: [distant] Sister! Another false alarm from Shining Armor's guard geese!
[door shuts]
Twilight Sparkle: We should have heard by now! Something must have gone wrong!
Pinkie Pie: Probably several somethings. [inhales, blows air]
Twilight Sparkle: No lookout, no distraction, and no word from the ponies inside! I'm starting to think this whole operation might be a giant flop!
[geese honking]
Fluttershy: [hyperventilating] Oh, no!
Spike: Gee, Fluttershy, I thought your whole small spaces thing was just part of the plan to be unexpected.
Fluttershy: Once, I got trapped in the Castle of the Two Sisters, and Angel Bunny and I were separated! Now whenever I'm in a tiny room, it's all I can think about! I was so worried he felt alone and forgotten!
Spike: [sighs] I know that that's like.
Fluttershy: What do you mean?
Spike: I was always excited to be a part of Twilight's and Shining Armor's rivalry, like I was their little brother. But they never really thought of me that way.
Fluttershy: I know they both have a special place in their heart for you, but sibling dynamics are hard. Trust me.
Spike: Right. Zephyr Breeze.
Fluttershy: Honestly, he could learn a lot from you about being a little brother.
Rarity: I am sick of being lost in these slimy corridors, too! But you shouldn't pull every lever you come across! Half of them are traps!
Rainbow Dash: And the other half might open a secret passage to the castle!
Rarity: It's not worth the risk! Oh, hello, Spike. [to Rainbow Dash] Even if we did find our way back to the castle, we'd still have all of those guar— Spike? Fluttershy?!
Rainbow Dash: Uh, what are you guys doing down here?
Spike: We, uh, kind of fell through the floor.
Fluttershy: I don't think our plan is working.
Rarity: We've both hit dead ends. Perhaps we should return to the outside and reevaluate.
[mice squeaking]
Rarity: Eugh!
Twilight Sparkle: [hyperventilating]
Spike: Psssssst!
[metal squeaking]
Twilight Sparkle: What are you all doing out here?
Rarity: In retrospect, our plan might have been too unexpected.
Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Every part of it failed?! Oh, now I'll never get the crown!
Spike: Maybe we should go back to doing things the Twilight way.
Twilight Sparkle: You mean the totally expected way?
Spike: It may not be a surprise, but you have a pretty good record for planning things.
Twilight Sparkle: Then I guess it's worth a try. Thanks, Spike.
Spike: What are little brothers for?
Twilight Sparkle: Okay! You all know what to do!
[balloon inflating]
[slide whistle]
[guards chattering]
Rarity: At least one part of our expected plan worked unexpectedly.
[door opens]
Zephyr Breeze: To be fair, it was never made specifically clear to me what "guarding" actually means, so this is on you.
Applejack: I'm strong, Twilight, but not even I can buck through solid rock.
Twilight Sparkle: That's why I brought a specialist.
[chalk drawing]
[joints cracking]
Rarity: [deep voice] Next shift. You're on break.
[door opens]
[geese honking]
Fluttershy: You've been glaring so hard. Who wants a feather massage?
[gesse quiet]
Spike: We mapped this out when we got lost down here. The lever to the secret hallway entrance should be... here.
Rainbow Dash: I can't believe this worked!
Spike: I guess sometimes the best plan is the one you expect!
Twilight Sparkle: All I have to do now is fly over and take the crown, and I'll be Sibling Supreme forever!
Shining Armor: Not exactly.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, come on!
Shining Armor: Gotta admit, it was unexpected for you to do everything exactly how I thought you would. But you should know by now there's no way to beat the true Sibling Surpreme!
Princess Celestia: I am sorry, Twilight, but it looks as though Shining Armor has truly won the crown.
Spike: That's the thing about looks. They can be deceiving.
Twilight Sparkle: Spike?!
Shining Armor: How in Equestria did you do it?!
Spike: Come on. You two don't think you have the only sibling rivalry. I had an inside pony help.
[dramatic music sting]
Spike: It wasn't hard to miss there were some disagreements on the whole security thing.
Princess Luna: [flashback] I said we could do it ourselves, but some ponies are a bit more stubborn.
Spike: [voiceover] So, while Shining Armor went on and on about his improved security measures, Luna and I struck a deal. She put Zephyr in charge of the catacombs and helped keep Celestia out of the castle hallways. Once Luna was on board, I just had to do my part and make sure we stuck to Twilight's plan so we'd all get to the throne room at the same time. I knew Shining Armor would let it play out until the last possible second. Then, while everyone was distracted by his gloating, all Luna had to do was float the crown over to me.
Princess Celestia: [clears throat] [forced] I, uh, apologize, for not listening to your concerns, sister. It seems we need to make adjustments to account for threats inside the castle as well as out. If you agree?
Princess Luna: [forced] If you think it's worth discussing.
Rainbow Dash: So, if Twilight and Shining Armor failed, who gets the crown?
Spike: [sighs]
Twilight Sparkle: The true Sibling Supreme. Spike.
Spike: Huh?
Shining Armor: The little brother we've always had.
Mane Six: Awww...
[heist music over credits]