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Episode The Mean 6
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Twilight Sparkle: [sighs] I've been planning this retreat for weeks, and we're already ten minutes behind! Where is that photographer?!
Photographer: ...No-no-no-no-no-no-no!
[doors open]
Photographer: I'm so sorry! Can you forgive me? I don't expect you to forgive me... Forgive me?
Twilight Sparkle: [groans]
Starlight Glimmer: Of course. I'll help you set up your—
Photographer: Princess Twilight, thanks so much for this! The Canterlot Historical Society is thrilled to document the friendship work your teachers do! Let me just pretty you all up!
Photographer: Ooh!
Photographer: [giggles] Ooh!
Rainbow Dash: Ow! Hey!
Photographer: Don't want a single hair out of place, do we? This is for the history books! Now...
[camera flashing]
Photographer: Well, that's that! Bye!
Pinkie Pie: Waaaait! You forgot Starlight! She needs a picture, too!
Photographer: 'Kay.
[camera flashing]
Photographer: Now I'll get out of your manes. I know how busy you are.
Photographer: Now I have everything I need.
[transformation noise]
Queen Chrysalis: [maniacal laughter]
[theme song]
Queen Chrysalis: Yes, I know! We have been planning this for quite some time. [laughing evilly] Oh, thank you, Applejack. My spell can create a copy of anypony I desire. All I need is an image and a piece of the pony. [sniffs] Oh, and this.
[magic zap]
Queen Chrysalis: Why copies, Rarity? Because Princess Twilight and her friends control the Elements of Harmony, the most powerful weapon in all Equestria.
[magic zap]
Queen Chrysalis: Which means you - will - be - able - to - use - them - too!
[magic zap]
Queen Chrysalis: And serve me!
[magic zap]
Queen Chrysalis: Together, we will destroy Twilight Sparkle and her meddlesome friends!
[magic zap]
Queen Chrysalis: Of course I haven't forgotten Starlight Glimmer! She stole my hive. Turned my subjects against me! So I'll take her friends away while she watches! And then, I'll destroy her! [maniacal laughter]
[magic zap]
Queen Chrysalis: With the Elements under my control, I'll build a new hive of Earth ponies, unicorns, and Pegasi, and I will rule as Queen once again!
[magic sounds]
[magic sounds]
Twilight Sparkle: Hmm. At least our retreat isn't too far behind schedule. Get ready for fun!
Rainbow Dash: Are we talking fun fun, or learning pretending to be fun?
Twilight Sparkle: Both! We've all been so busy teaching, we've hardly had a chance to hang out with each other. And I may have scheduled some friendship activities as well!
Pinkie Pie: Count me in! We can do friendship trust falls and pony pyramids! Oh! And hide and seek! Quick! Find me!
Fluttershy: Well, I love the idea of some quiet time with my best friends.
Pinkie Pie: [screams] You found me!
Rainbow Dash: Rarity, why is Applejack carrying all your stuff?
Rarity: Oh, that's not mine. Yes, I used to overpack a tad, but now it's just the essentials for me. I'm a simple filly.
Applejack: Normally I wouldn't lug so much gear, but did y'all know this is Starlight's first time campin'?
Starlight Glimmer: I just never really felt the need to... "hang out" in nature.
[insects buzzing]
Starlight Glimmer: Home has books, tea, fewer bugs, a roof...
Applejack: That attitude right there is why I brought the whole kit and caboodle. I'm givin' Starlight the full Apple family campin' experience!
Fluttershy: Um, where are we camping?
Twilight Sparkle: Right next to the Elements that brought us all together in the first place – the Tree of Harmony!
Queen Chrysalis: Listen to your queen! We must retrieve the Elements of Harmony!
Mean Pinkie Pie: Hunting down some lame Elements? This is the worst day ever!
Mean Fluttershy: No. Now it's the worst day ever! [laughing cruelly]
Mean Rarity: Those Elements are mine! Along with this rock! Oh, and that twig!
Mean Applejack: I got all kinds o' Elements right here under my hat. I'll let you see 'em for five bits.
Mean Rainbow Dash: [scoffs] Losers.
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Why didn't you just attack them?
Queen Chrysalis: Excuse me?
Mean Twilight Sparkle: You were close enough to pull hairs from their manes. Why not just take your revenge then?
Queen Chrysalis: They've defeated my army. I know better than to strike alone. I need—
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Friends?
Queen Chrysalis: Servants! And the power of the Elements!
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Right. So where are these Elements of Harmony?
Queen Chrysalis: The location of the most powerful weapon in Equestria isn't something made known to just anypony. I learned they were hidden somewhere in this forest.
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, well, it is a big forest.
Queen Chrysalis: [growling]
Pinkie Pie: Everypony, stop! And smell these roses! [sniffs] Ahhh! Oh, yeah!
Twilight Sparkle: [nervous giggle] Right. Roses. Fun. Now, let’s try and stay on schedule.
Rarity: Applejack, darling, anything in that wagon for mane maintenance?
Applejack: Uh, let's see here. Uh... all right. I got a bandana!
Rarity: Ugh, an entire wagon and no anti-frizz? Darling, you're not even prepared.
Applejack: I am! For campin'? How ya doin', Starlight?
Starlight Glimmer: Whoa! Ugh. [flatly] Great.
Bird 1: [tweeting]
Fluttershy: Oh, no! You and your sister fell out of your nest and got separated? That's terrible! Here. I'm sure your home isn't too far away.
[swing creaking]
Twilight Sparkle: [yelps] Pinkie! If we keep stopping to have fun, we're never gonna get to the fun things I've got planned!
Pinkie Pie: [gasps] Good point! Last one to the Tree of Harmony is a parasprite! Whoo-hoo!
Twilight Sparkle: [sighs]
Mean Pinkie Pie: I'm sooooo bored. Are we there yet?
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Where yet? We don't even know where we're going!
Queen Chrysalis: The quicker we search the forest, the quicker we find the Elements.
Mean Applejack: I know where the Elements are. This, uh, here boulder just told me. I swear.
Bird 2: [tweeting]
Mean Fluttershy: You tried to fly out of the nest, but you fell and got lost?
Bird 2: [tweeting]
Mean Fluttershy: [laughing cruelly] Hope you like walking! [laughing cruelly]
Mean Rainbow Dash: [yawns] Come get me when I should care.
Queen Chrysalis: Where... are... the others?!
Mean Applejack: Uh... A, uh, a bugbear in... plaid socks flew down and, uh, g-grabbed them! Then disappeared! Huh. Craziest thing I ever did see!
Queen Chrysalis: Turn around. We're going back.
Mean Twilight Sparkle: No. Keep searching. I'll find the others. We can accomplish more if we split our resources.
Queen Chrysalis: Very well. You have my permission.
Mean Twilight Sparkle: "Permission"? You need us way more than we need you, your Majesty! The others are fools. But with me to lead them, there's no reason we can't find the Elements and keep the power for ourselves!
Mean Twilight Sparkle: [gasps]
Pinkie Pie: You're it! Hey, how'd you get ahead of me? You're fast.
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Ugh! I'm looking for Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie Pie: Aren't they back there?
Mean Twilight Sparkle: They are?
Pinkie Pie: Sure! Unless they're already at the Tree of Harmony.
Mean Twilight Sparkle: What is the Tree of Harmony?
Pinkie Pie: Oh-ho-ho. This is one of your "activities", right? Like a friendship quiz? It's the crystal tree that holds the Elements of Harmony. Boom!
Mean Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Where is it?
Pinkie Pie: [imitates buzzer] It's at the bottom of the stairs in the ravine by the Castle of the Two Sisters. Double boom!
Mean Twilight Sparkle: How do you know? You've seen it?
Pinkie Pie: Mm-hmm. Honestly, Twilight, these questions are super easy.
Bird 1: [tweeting]
Fluttershy: Right where you belong.
Bird 1: [tweets]
Fluttershy: Oh, dear. This isn't where I belong. Oh, Rainbow Dash! I'm so glad you're here. I was lost.
Mean Rainbow Dash: Bummer. Later.
Fluttershy: What just happened?
Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Starlight Glimmer: [overlapping] Fluttershy!
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, fantastic. First Pinkie races ahead of us, and now Fluttershy's lost somewhere behind us. My retreat is off to a great start!
Rarity: It's not like Fluttershy to disappear like this.
Applejack: We'll split up and search for her. We can all meet back at the Tree. Starlight, take the navigation gear and—
Starlight Glimmer: [quickly] Go with Rarity? Great! Rainbow Dash, you can go with Applejack! [chuckles]
Twilight Sparkle: I'll find Pinkie Pie.
Mean Pinkie Pie: Bored. Bored. Bored.
Queen Chrysalis: This is ridiculous! Where are my other minions?!
Mean Rarity: Probably plotting to steal my things! [growls]
Mean Applejack: They're at a secret party up in that there tree. Run by a... squirrel named, uh, Jerome. But, uh, y-you need a password to get in.
Queen Chrysalis: [growls] Enough!
Queen Chrysalis: You will go out there and find the others, you will bring them back here, and we will steal the Elements of Harmony so I can destroy Starlight's life like she destroyed mine! [through gritted teeth] Understand?
Mean Rarity, Mean Applejack, and Mean Pinkie Pie: [nervously] Uh-huh!
Mean Applejack: The party password is "rutabaga".
Mean Fluttershy: [mockingly] Why don't you fly up to your nest? Oh, that's right. You can't! [laughing cruelly]
Bird 1: [tweeting]
Mean Fluttershy: Oh. Nopony asked you. I hope you all freeze this winter!
[mice squeaking]
Mean Fluttershy: [laughing cruelly]
Fluttershy: Hello again, little friend. I think I may be walking in circles.
Bird 1: [tweeting angrily]
Fluttershy: [gasps] Oh, my! Where did you learn that kind of language? Um, excuse me?
[animals growling and chittering angrily]
Fluttershy: [whimpering]
Mean Rarity: Finally, you found her!
Rainbow Dash: Me? We're looking for Fluttershy!
Applejack: Where's Starlight?
Mean Rarity: Well, if I knew that—
Rainbow Dash: [grunts] Hey!
Mean Rarity: This is mine! And this as well! Oh, and this is absolutely mine!
Applejack: Rarity, what in the hay are you gonna do with a fishin' rod?
Mean Rarity: I don't know. But I wants it! [snorts]
Rarity: Starlight, darling, you're a gloriously bad camper. And coming from me, that is saying a lot.
Starlight Glimmer: I know. Want to break it to Applejack for me?
Mean Applejack: Who's breakin' what now?
Mean Applejack: Who are you?
Starlight Glimmer: Very funny, Applejack. Still me under all this gear. Starlight.
Mean Applejack: Starlight? How 'bout that? Y'all better come with me. It's, uh, dangerous out here.
Rarity: Applejack, darling, are you all right? You look a little peaky. And where's your wagon?
Mean Applejack: Uh... stolen! Uh, I barely got away! Follow me, and I'll tell ya all about it.
Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie! There you are! What are you doing?
Mean Pinkie Pie: You call that a pop?! Ugh!
Twilight Sparkle: I thought you were racing to the retreat.
Mean Pinkie Pie: Please. Why would I waste my time on a boring, lame, no-fun retreat?
Twilight Sparkle: What? Rainbow Dash! I think something's wrong with Pinkie!
Mean Rainbow Dash: Not my problem.
Twilight Sparkle: [groans]
Pinkie Pie: And then we all grew super-long manes with all kinds of colors, and your castle grew out of the ground, and everypony was like, "Whoa!" And then we sang this song about rainbows, and— [gasps]
Fluttershy: [crying]
Pinkie Pie: Fluttershy! What's wrong?
Fluttershy: [crying] Everycreature is mad at me!
Pinkie Pie: [gasps] What?! That can't be right!
Fluttershy: [crying, sniffling]
Mean Twilight Sparkle: [groans] Can we hurry this up? We're on a schedule here!
Pinkie Pie: Twilight, your schedule can wait! Fluttershy's upset.
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Well, tell her to get over it! I'll go get the others. Stay here!
Fluttershy: [crying, sniffling]
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, great. You upset Fluttershy, too?
Pinkie Pie: You know what, Twilight? Maybe if you weren't so worried about schedules, you'd realize you're the one ruining the retreat for your friends!
Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Well, if my friends don't care about the retreat I planned for them... maybe they should've stayed home!
Fluttershy: Can't we all just get along?! [crying]
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Keep it together. You can do this. You need those imbeciles if your plan is gonna come together.
Queen Chrysalis: Your plan?
Mean Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Uh, the plan. I'm just trying to do your bidding, your Majesty.
Queen Chrysalis: Grub-sitting you six is nothing like controlling my hive! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just destroy you all and start over!
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Because I know where the Elements of Harmony are. You need me.
Queen Chrysalis: [maniacal laughter]
Mean Rarity: Mine. Mine! [crazed laughter] All mine!
Rainbow Dash: [to Applejack] I'm guessing some kind of curse? Maybe poison joke?
Applejack: Well, somethin' sure ain't right.
Mean Rarity: What are you plotting back there? I can hear you, you know! Don't think you're going to steal my things! [panting, spluttering]
Applejack: Hang on. I got a shovel we can use to whack those vines out of the way.
Mean Rarity: [grunting] I knew it! I knew you wanted it all for yourselves! You can't have it!
Mean Rarity: It's mine, you hear me?! All mi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hi-hine! [crazed laughter]
Mean Applejack: ...So there I was. Just me and, uh, a bucket of honey. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket. Uh, b-but I-I survived all by myself in this here forest for, uh, a hundred and... twenty-seven hours!
Rarity: Really? I can't believe you've never told us that story before.
Starlight Glimmer: She's making a point. We get it. You're the greatest camper in the history of Equestria.
Mean Applejack: Well, I sure don't need any o' that silly stuff you're luggin' around.
Starlight Glimmer: Uh, the things you gave me are silly?!
Mean Applejack: [chuckles] Just look in a mirror. Guess I should've told you that before, huh? [chuckling]
Starlight Glimmer: [gasps, tearing up] Glad I was so entertaining for you!
Rarity: [to Mean Applejack] I'm going to make sure that she doesn't break a hoof out there, and then you and I are going to have a serious talk!
Queen Chrysalis: Finally! There. That's all of you. Nopony leaves without my say-so.
Mean Applejack: Now, wait a second. Weren't you just—?
[magic zap]
Mean Applejack: [gulps]
Queen Chrysalis: The time for my revenge on Starlight Glimmer has come! Let's see if you're telling the truth about this Tree. [maniacal laughter]
Rarity: Starlight! Oh! Please stop running!
Rarity: [yelps]
Starlight Glimmer: Ugh!
Rarity and Starlight Glimmer: Whoa!
Fluttershy: [crying]
Twilight Sparkle: Of course I care about Fluttershy!
Pinkie Pie: Then you've got a super weird way of showing it!
Rarity: W-What in Equestria's going on here?
Pinkie Pie: Twilight is so into her retreat that she doesn't even care if her friends are upset! She just wants us to "stay on schedule"!
Twilight Sparkle: Well, I'm sorry, Pinkie! If I knew you thought this was a "boring, lame, no-fun retreat", I wouldn't have invited you in the first place!
Pinkie Pie: I never said that!
Applejack: Sorry, y'all. We would've been here sooner, but we had to take the long way after Rarity ran off with all my stuff.
Rarity: Wha—?! I most certainly did not!
Applejack: What?! You know I ain't no liar! [to Starlight Glimmer] Where's all your gear?
Starlight Glimmer: Why? So you can laugh at me some more?!
Rainbow Dash: Hey, hey, we're all friends here!
Fluttershy: Friends?! You left me alone in the woods! [crying]
[main cast except Twilight arguing]
Twilight Sparkle: Everypony, quiet! Listen. We know each other really well — the great stuff and how to get on each other's nerves, too. I wanted a fun trip with my friends. But instead, I got carried away with plans and ruined everything. If you want to forget it all and head home, I won't be offended. I just want us to stop fighting.
Applejack: [to Starlight Glimmer] Hey, sorry if I got carried away with all that campin' stuff.
Starlight Glimmer: I'm sorry, too. I should've just told you I'll never like camping. Also, I'll never like camping.
Rarity: Well, if we're all being honest, I can't survive with just this tiny yet fashionable little saddlebag! I miss my things!
Pinkie Pie: [to Twilight Sparkle] I'm sorry that you thought that I thought your plan was lame. Your plans are the most un-lamest!
Rainbow Dash: And I always have fun when we're all together. Even if it's learning pretending to be fun.
Twilight Sparkle: So... does that mean you still want to have the retreat?
All except Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy: Yes!
Fluttershy: If everypony likes me again.
All: [laughing]
Twilight Sparkle: Let's get to that Tree. I have the whole campsite set up and ready.
Mean Pinkie Pie: [groans] What's this garbage?
Mean Applejack: Badger installation art! Ya see—
Queen Chrysalis: Just! Retrieve! The Elements!
Mean Fluttershy: [laughing cruelly]
Mean Rarity: Mine! Mine!
Mean Rarity: Mine! [crazed laughter]
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Once we get the power of the Elements, no creature – not even her Majesty – can tell us what to do. Just follow my lead. Got it?
Mean Ponies: [laughing evilly]
Mean Rarity: Ooh! That one's mine!
Mean Rarity: [crazed laughter]
Mean Fluttershy: Oops. I'd say sorry, but I'm not!
Mean Rarity and Mean Fluttershy: [grunting]
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Stop it, fools!
Mean Twilight Sparkle: We need the Elements to take out Chrysalis! [gasps]
Queen Chrysalis: How dare you! I created you!
[magic zap]
[dull pulsating]
Mean Pinkie Pie: [laughing]
Mean Twilight Sparkle: [groaning]
Mean Twilight Sparkle: [groaning]
[magic sounds]
Mean Twilight Sparkle: [gasps]
[magic sounds]
Mean Twilight Sparkle: Imbeciles! You ruined everythiiiiiiiing!
[shimmering sounds]
Queen Chrysalis: Servants always fail you in the end! Just wait, Starlight. I will have my revenge!
Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Are you kidding me?
Pinkie Pie: [laughing] This was... the worst... day... ever!
All: [laughing]
Starlight Glimmer: Come on, everypony. We can fix this campsite in no time.
Applejack: Spoken like a true camper.
Starlight Glimmer: Eh, don't push it.
Applejack and Starlight Glimmer: [chuckling]
Twilight Sparkle: You know, if we can survive a day like this, I think our friendship is strong enough to handle anything the world can throw at us.