Transcripts/The Point of No Return

The Point of No Return

Transcript
Episode	The Point of No Return
Previous	Sparkle's Seven
Next	Common Ground
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[zoom]

Spike: Whoa!

[thud!]

Spike: Twilight, mail's here!

[doors opening]

Twilight Sparkle: [gasps]

[squeak]

Twilight Sparkle: Are you all right?

Derpy: We just had a really heavy delivery today.

Spike: Is it a deluxe set of special edition Ogres & Oubliettes figurines that I'm totally surprised by and have been hinting that I need forever?

Derpy: Well, it's for Twilight.

Spike: Awww...

Twilight Sparkle: Thank you.

Derpy: You're welcome!

Twilight Sparkle: Huh. It's from Princess Celestia.

Spike: [belches] So is this. Really? She couldn't have put it into the box?

Twilight Sparkle: [reading] "My dearest Twilight, I have been conducting a thorough cleaning of the castle, and I came across a few items of yours in your old room. I thought you might want them back." I didn't even know I'd left anything! Awww, look! Remember this? It's the macaroni picture frame Cadance helped me make when I was a filly!

Spike: [quietly, sarcastic] Who could forget a masterpiece like that?

Twilight Sparkle: My G1 Star Swirl figure! And some of my favorite school scrolls! And here's my extra extra credit report on "The Impediments of Using Magic in Everyday Chores"! Ha! Still so true!

Spike: Is my Smash Fortune comic in there? I've been looking for that for years. Whoa, whoa!

[thud]

Spike: [muffled] Or this.

Twilight Sparkle: Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Spike: What's wrong? It just looks like an old library book.

Twilight Sparkle: Exactly! It belongs to the Canterlot Library! That means it's... overdue!

[theme song]

Twilight Sparkle: You don't understand, Spike! I have a perfect library book return record!

Spike: [clears throat] Had a perfect record.

Twilight Sparkle: [groans] I've never turned in a book even a minute late! And this one has been overdue since I left for Ponyville!

[stamping]

Dusty Pages: Make sure you bring this one back on time. We've got a long waiting list of ponies who can't wait to read it.

Twilight Sparkle: I promise I won't let you down!

Dusty Pages: Oh, of course, you won't, dear. If there's anypony I can trust to take care of a book, it's you, Twilight Sparkle. After all, you still hold the "Best Book Borrower" title.

Twilight Sparkle: Oooh! I hope I do forever!

Twilight Sparkle: Spi-ike! Quick, find me that old copy of Predictions and Prophecies. What's that for?

Spike: Well, it was a gift for Moon Dancer, but...

Twilight Sparkle: Oh, Spike, you know we don't have time for that sort of thing.

Twilight Sparkle: And then Celestia sent me to Ponyville, and I forgot all about this! Dusty Pages prided herself that no books were damaged or lost on her watch, and I failed her! I failed myself!

Spike: I take it we're going to Canterlot?

[zip!]

Spike: [groans] The sooner, the better, I guess.

Twilight Sparkle: [gasps]

[leaves rustling]

Spike: Uh, why are we hiding? Don't you wanna return your book?

Twilight Sparkle: Yes. But what if somepony sees me in there? I'm the Princess of Friendship. Everywhere I go, ponies recognize me. I'll stick out like a sore hoof.

Spike: [incredulously] Princess Twilight Sparkle in a library? Stop the presses!

Twilight Sparkle: A late book is a big deal, Spike. What if Dusty Pages revokes my library card? Or bans me from ever entering the building again?!

Spike: Don't you already have most of those books in your collection at home?

Twilight Sparkle: Yes, but the ones in there have a special Canterlot Library-y smell!

Spike: You sniff books?

Twilight Sparkle: You don't? I used to live in a library. If I'm not a good example of proper book borrowing behavior, then what kind of princess am I?

Spike: One that makes mistakes like everypony else. Trust me. Once you return that book, you'll feel way better.

Twilight Sparkle: Thanks, Spike. Let's go! [screams, giggles nervously]

Spike: [groans]

[teleportation zaps]

Twilight Sparkle: [gasps, clears throat, deep voice] I have a book to return.

Librarian Pony: Princess Twilight! So good to see you!

Twilight Sparkle: [groans]

Librarian Pony: Need some recommendations from the new release section?

Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Is that the new edition of Mooncurve's Seven Theories on Bending Time? I have been waiting for the release sin— Uh, I mean, uh, no books today! [chuckles] Thanks!

[ponies gasp]

Twilight Sparkle: But I do need to speak with Dusty Pages about a... [clears throat] sensitive matter.

Librarian Pony: Dusty who?

Twilight Sparkle: [nervous laugh] Dusty Pages? The head librarian? She's worked here forever.

Librarian Pony: I'm sorry, princess. I don't know her. Now, was there some other way I can help the library's Best Book Borrower?

Twilight Sparkle: [nervous giggle]

Spike: [hushed] Just ask where to return an overdue book! It's no big deal! It happens all the time!

Twilight Sparkle: [hushed] Not to me it doesn't! [sighs] Fine. Fine! Oh, no! I didn't even think about the late fine! A book out this long will probably cost a thousand bits!

Spike: She— I mean, we have an overdue book.

Librarian Pony: [laughs] Well, that's no problem at all. In fact, it happens all the time.

Spike: See?

Librarian Pony: I'll just find it in the card catalog. Uh, number one-eight-nine-oh-five, got it! [laughs] Oh, wow. Yeesh. I haven't seen a book this late in... well, ever. [clears throat] You need to go and see First Folio in the Grossly Overdue Book Return Office for Ponies Who Should Know Better.

Twilight Sparkle: Don't pull any punches with those names, do you?

Spike: And that office would be...?

Librarian Pony: In the basement. [whispering] Because of the shame.

[thud]

Spike: Whoa. [strains] Looks like nopony ever goes down here.

Twilight Sparkle: Nopony except undependable rule-breakers who deserve all the horrors this hallway holds!

Spike: And faithful dragon companions. Uh... hey! It looks like First Folio left a note on the door!

Twilight Sparkle: "Abandon hope, all ye who enter"?

Spike: [reading] "Out to lunch on Restaurant Row." Guess we'll have to try back later!

Twilight Sparkle: No! I can't wait another minute to return this book! In the time it took us to get there, I racked up another... seventeen bits in late fees! We're going to lunch!

Spike: Good, 'cause I'm starving! [licks lips]

[beat]

Spike: Oh. You mean to find First Folio. Can we at least get takeout?!

Twilight Sparkle: Tell me if you see any librarian-type ponies.

Spike: Twilight, we tried this at three other restaurants already!

Twilight Sparkle: And my late fines are already up another twenty-six more bits!

Spike: [mock-sobbing]

Pretzel: Waiter, we're ready to order.

Spike: Oh, uh, I'm not actually—

Pretzel: Three samosas, two curry specials... Do you think that's enough for the two of us?

Spike: Hm. Well, I would probably order some naan as well. For the table?

Pretzel: Sounds great.

Moon Dancer: Twilight? Is that you?

Twilight Sparkle: Moon Dancer! How've you been? I'm just visiting. No real reason. Heh.

Moon Dancer: Well, it's good to see you! I'm just meeting my friend, First Folio, for lunch. Do you want to join us?

Twilight Sparkle: First Folio?! Yes! I mean, thank you.

First Folio: Princess Twilight, good to meet you! Did you know your picture is still up in our library as the Best Book Borrower?

Twilight Sparkle: Yeah... I was hoping I could talk to Dusty Pages about that.

Moon Dancer: Oh, Dusty Pages left the library moons ago. Didn't you know?

Twilight Sparkle: Mm-mm.

First Folio: Oh, I heard she was forced to leave. It's so sad. She loved the library.

Twilight Sparkle: Wait. Forced to leave?

First Folio: Yuh-huh, uh-huh, yeah. She had a perfect librarian record. Until one careless pony didn't return a book, ruined it all.

Moon Dancer: Are you okay, Twilight?

Twilight Sparkle: [nervously] Uh-huh. Would, uh, you excuse me?

[whoosh]

[spinning]

Spike: That's why you only order spicy if you can take it. Twilight, what's wrong?

Twilight Sparkle: Dusty Pages isn't working at the library any more because I didn't return this book! Spike, I think I got her fired!

[brake skids]

Spike: Twilight, the library is that way!

Twilight Sparkle: Change of plans. We're going to Dusty's house. She used to invite me over for tea all the time.

Spike: But what about your late fees?

Twilight Sparkle: They're not as important as making things right.

Spike: Wait. So you're not going to return the book?

Twilight Sparkle: No. Dusty Pages is. It's my fault she lost her job. So if I give her the book, she can get her old job back. It'll fix everything! [sighs]

[knocking]

[door opens]

Meathead Pony: Didn't you see the sign? No salesponies!

Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I'm not selling anything.

Meathead Pony: No carolers either. No surveys, no petitions, no free literature...

[thud]

Twilight Sparkle: No problem. I'm just looking for somepony who used to live here. I'm pretty sure this was her house.

Meathead Pony: Dusty Pages?

Twilight Sparkle: Yes!

Meathead Pony: Hold on. She moved to... Silver somethin'. Shoals, Seas, Surfer, whatever. When you find her, give her this.

[thud]

Meathead Pony: It's been stackin' up for years! And tell her to change her address!

[door slams]

[montage music]

[knocking]

[squeaking]

Twilight Sparkle: [reading] "Silver Stable Community: For the best golden years." This has to be it!

Spike: I hope so. It's the last "Silver" spot on the map we haven't looked.

[door opens]

Spike: [straining] [gasps] Whoa! This place is—

Twilight Sparkle: Terrible, I know! There's not a single bookshelf in sight!

Sand Trap: [snoring]

Twilight Sparkle: Poor Dusty... [to receptionist] Excuse me!

"Teddie Safari": Yes, how may I help you?

Twilight Sparkle: Do you have a resident named Dusty Pages?

"Teddie Safari": Oh, yes. Her apartment is in the next complex, ground floor.

Twilight Sparkle: Thank you!

Twilight Sparkle: I can't believe that my carelessness sent her here, when she could be happily surrounded by millions of wonderful-smelling books!

Spike: You realize that might just be a you thing, right?

Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] There she is! Here we go. [exhales]

[knocking]

[long pause]

[watch ticking]

Twilight Sparkle: [groans]

Spike: She's bound to be back soon. Maybe we should just wait here.

Twilight Sparkle: No. We are fixing this now. This place isn't that big. We can find her.

Twilight Sparkle: Sorry to interrupt your plein air painting, but we're looking for Dusty Pages. Have you seen her?

Apple Rose: Sure have!

[beat]

Twilight Sparkle: [sighs] And...?

Apple Rose: She had to leave early to get to her fengbi de ti session.

Old Stallion: Which is right before she leads the woodworking class with me. Then she's on to windsurfing.

Apple Rose: Ooh, and don't forget theatre rehearsal! Dusty's playing the lead role. Again.

Old Stallion: Then there's her band practice later.

Twilight Sparkle: Thank you!

Spike: Wow. Dusty sounds like one busy pony.

Twilight Sparkle: Oh, she's just filling her days with distractions to cover the pain of losing the best job ever! But not for long!

[montage music]

[gate swinging]

[teleportation zap]

[hammer tapping]

[door shuts and opens]

[splash]

[more splashes]

[door opens]

[door opens]

[band playing music]

Twilight Sparkle: Dusty Pages, finally! Come on, Spike!

Spike: Wait. She looks pretty happy up there.

Twilight Sparkle: Trust me, it's all an act. She'll be a lot happier when I deliver the news that she can go back to working at the library!

[music abruptly stops]

Twilight Sparkle: Care to take five, everypony?

Dusty Pages: Ah! Twilight Sparkle?! My stars! It's so wonderful to see you! What are you doing here?

Twilight Sparkle: I've been looking all over Equestria for you!

[thud]

Twilight Sparkle: I need to tell you something.

Dusty Pages: Well, you brought my mail! Oh, thank you! [chuckles]

Twilight Sparkle: No. I mean, yes, we did, but that's not why we're here. I let you down, and I can't forgive myself until I set things right.

Dusty Pages: I don't remember you doing anything wrong.

Twilight Sparkle: You told me to take care of a special book I checked out from the Canterlot Library, and I never brought it back!

Dusty Pages: [gasps] It was you that had that book out? The one that broke my perfect record?

Twilight Sparkle: But now you can bring it to Canterlot Library and get your job back!

Dusty Pages: No, thank you! I don't ever need to see that library again! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be.

[band playing music]

Spike: [snapping fingers]

Twilight Sparkle: Do you mind?

[music pauses, continues softly]

Spike: [slurping]

Twilight Sparkle: I don't understand. If Dusty Pages won't go back to Canterlot Library and explain everything, then she won't be able to get her job back. Even worse, her record will remain imperfect!

Spike: And yours will, too?

Twilight Sparkle: Well, yeah! But that doesn't matter any more!

Spike: [dryly] Really?

Twilight Sparkle: Well, maybe a little bit. Oh, no, bits! The late fines! How much do I owe now?!

[abacus clicking]

Spike: Uhhh... you don't wanna know.

Twilight Sparkle: [groans] It would've been worth all the bits in Equestria if I had made things right with Dusty! I wish I knew why she won't go back!

Spike: Why don't you ask her?

Twilight Sparkle: She didn't seem to want to talk.

Spike: You surprised her, and she probably had something else on her schedule. That thing is packed! Come on. What have you got to lose?

Twilight Sparkle: Now that I've messed up this much? Nothing. You're right, Spike. It's worth a try. Where do you think she went? Crochet? Bingo?

[splat]

Twilight Sparkle: A squishy fruit food-fight tournament?!

[splats]

Spike: Hey, everypony! We come in—

[splat]

Spike: Eh, pieces.

[splats]

[teleportation zap]

[splats]

Twilight Sparkle: Stop! We just want to talk to Dusty Pages for a moment! Please?

Dusty Pages: Time out! [to Twilight] Next time, you should rent gear.

Spike: We're not actually here for the game.

Twilight Sparkle: I was hoping you'd give me another chance to talk to you about the library book.

Dusty Pages: [sighs] This really means a lot to you, doesn't it?

Twilight Sparkle: Mm-hmm. I know I ruined your life by not returning my book on time, and I will do anything I can to make it up to you. Even promise to never take a book out of a library again, if that's what it takes.

[ponies gasp]

Dusty Pages: [laughs]

Spike: That is not the reaction we expected.

Dusty Pages: Twilight, dear, you've got it all backwards! I'm not upset with you!

Twilight Sparkle: You're not?

Dusty Pages: No! If I'm mad at anypony, it's me.

[tapping]

Dusty Pages: All those years I spent hiding away in that library, trying to be perfect. When your book never came in, I felt something exhilarating!

Twilight Sparkle: What was it?

Dusty Pages: Freedom.

Spike: From books?

Dusty Pages: From perfection! I was too stubborn to know when to call it quits! It took your mistake to make me realize that I wasn't living the life I wanted!

Twilight Sparkle: You mean you weren't fired? You left the library because you wanted to?

Dusty Pages: Twilight, your late book was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I'm not afraid to try things I might fail at. In fact, sometimes messing up teaches me more than getting it right!

Twilight Sparkle: You're sure you don't want to return it and get that perfect record back?

[splat]

Twilight Sparkle: [strangled scream]

Dusty Pages: Ah, good. It was a yellow one. You can still see the words.

Twilight Sparkle: But it'll have a stain!

Dusty Pages: That doesn't change the truth inside it. Wait. Did you even read that thing?

Twilight Sparkle: Actually, uh, no, I guess I didn't.

[splat]

Twilight Sparkle: [reading] "Perfection".

Dusty Pages: And the next part?

Twilight Sparkle: [reading] "The Impossible Pursuit".

Spike and Dusty Pages: [laughing]

Twilight Sparkle: Oh. That might've been useful to look at earlier.

First Folio: Uh-huh... Your total late fees come to...

Twilight Sparkle: However much it is, I'll cover it. Uh, do you have a monthly payment plan?

First Folio: Twenty-eight bits.

Twilight Sparkle and Spike: [gasps]

Spike: That's it?!

First Folio: Yah-huh. Most ponies don't know that it caps at a month. Probably 'cause we don't tell them. [snorts]

[bits clinking]

First Folio: Thank you. Your account is back to normal. Although we will be taking down your Best Book Borrower picture.

Twilight Sparkle: Um, is that really necessary? Heh. It just seems so permanent. Heh. I mean, I did return the book, after all.

Spike: [clears throat]

Twilight Sparkle: Okay. Letting the perfection go. [sighs] You want me to reshelve this for you?

First Folio: No, it's an old edition. We've already replaced it with a new copy.

Spike: In that case, can we keep it? It might be a good reminder to have around.

First Folio: You sure? It's got a stain.

Twilight Sparkle: That's what makes it perfect.

[credits]