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Episode The Rarity Report; The Great Divide
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[theme song]

The Rarity Report

Herd Happily: Herd Happily live at the Sportacular Spectacular, providing an exclusive look at athletes off the field. Hello, sporty ponies! You're all about to compete in the games. What's the secret behind playing your best?
Applejack: Uh... I pick apples.
Fluttershy: [gasps] Um, I've been practicing my game face. [whispering] Can you see it?
Rarity: Allow me to speak for my camera-shy friends. Each of us has been training sportacularly hard for this spectacular event and can't wait to compete.
Rarity: Applejack's been training in her orchard to reach peak physique!
Rarity: Twilight keeps stats to track how she's doing on the field. And Fluttershy has devised a pump-up routine to get into the competitive spirit.
[loud thud]
Fluttershy: [roars]
Rest of Mane Six: [yell]
Fluttershy: Hmm.
Herd Happily: Wow. And what about you? What event can we look forward to seeing you perform in?
Rarity: Moi? Oh, [laughs] While I do enjoy being center stage, athletics is not my forte.
Rainbow Dash: You can catch her at fencing later!
Rarity: Oh, darling, the only time you'll catch me with a foil is when I'm dyeing my mane! [laughs]
Rainbow Dash: But you're a pro! You said so yourself!
Rarity: Dearest Dash! That résumé is for stage combat, not hoof-to-hoof athletics! What have you signed me up for?! [faints]
Rainbow Dash: See? "Champion fainter" right here. Ooh, she can also cry on cue.
Herd Happily: Me, too. Back to you, Karen.
Rainbow Dash: I'm sorry, Rarity. All the rest of us have signed up for games, and I didn't want you sitting out.
Rarity: Oh, it's not your fault, Dash.
Rarity: Even as a young filly, sports were never in the cue cards for me. Although I did once attend a "basket ball".
Rarity: [narrating] I brought my finest basket expecting a splendid affair. But instead of dancing, everypony was just running back and forth throwing a ball into bottomless baskets. Hmph! I couldn't keep up at all.
Rarity: It was positively dreadful. And ever since then, I swore only to attend basket galas and soirees.
Rainbow Dash: I'm sure there's an activity for you. This is the Sportacular Spectacular. There's something for everypony here. Even indoor ponies.
Rarity: Whoa!
Applejack: Well, looky here, Rarity. How about rhythmic trampolinin'?
Rarity: The only "bounce" I want is in my curls.
Twilight Sparkle: Then how about curling?
Rarity: Oh, [scoffs] Unless it involves my mane, no, thank you.
Pinkie Pie: Oooh! This one's artistic! Cloud gymnastics!
Rarity: Ah! The humidity, darling! [gasps] This one will do!
Rainbow Dash: Freestyle debate ribbon-pinning?
Rarity: Oh, perfection! It combines two of my loves – oration and decoration! This calls for a celebration!
Mane Six: [gasp]
Rarity: [reading] "Freestyle debate ribbon-pinning has been cancelled due to... lack of interest"?
Rest of Mane Six: Awww...
Rarity: [whines] But this was it. My ideal event. It was perfect for me.
Twilight Sparkle: We can keep looking, Rarity. There's bound to be another event here for you.
Rarity: Do not fret for me, Equestrians. The truth is, this is not the end of my story. I shall find a place within it, no matter what!
Rest of Mane Six: [cheer]
Rarity: That's it! I know what I can do at the Sportacular Spectacular! Use my strongest muscle of all!
Rest of Mane Six: Huh?
Herd Happily: How would you describe the Sportacular Spectacular?
[dubstep music]
Rarity: The DJ doesn't speak. Allow me.
[microphone feedback]
Rarity: DJ, what events are you mixing while you are here?
[dubstep music]
Rarity: Disco discus! Should be a "groovy" game!
Fluttershy: Oh! [laughs] She's a natural.
[dubstep music]
Herd Happily: Thank you for saving my interview.
Rarity: It was my pleasure. Interview-saving is one of my résumé skills. In fact, it seems I am perfectly qualified to join you as co-lead?
Herd Happily: It's called a co-anchor.
Rarity: Oh! So I got the part? You "Herd" it here first! A pony never arrives unprepared.
Herd Happily: Well, there's plenty more where that came from here at the Sportacular Spectacular. I'm Herd Happily.
Rarity: And I'm Rarity, come to you live! Back to you, Karen.
Karen: Uh, thanks, Rarity. In entertainment news, Finn Tastic's new summer blockbuster is making a splash. But it's this reporter's opinion that Roger the Singing Dolphin 2: Roger Sings Again doesn't have nearly enough singing. [laughs]

The Great Divide

Fluttershy: I can't believe how much fun the Sportacular Spectacular is.
Rarity: Agreed, darling. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not the sportiest of ponies, and even I'm having a great time.
Applejack: I'll say. It's always good to get outside, and today is no exception.
Rainbow Dash: It's not just being outside that's been so great. It's being able to do so much stuff together with all of you! My best friends!
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, Earth to Dash?
Rainbow Dash: I'm having a friendship flashback!
Pinkie Pie: Mmmm...
Applejack: [chomps]
[loud thud]
Pinkie Pie and Applejack: [laugh]
Mane Six: [cheering]
Pinkie Pie: You can do it!
Rainbow Dash: Yeah! Sports!
Mane Six: [cheer and laugh]
Announcer: All ponies to the arena for buckball!
Rainbow Dash: Flashback over! We're on a tight schedule!
Announcer: I repeat – all ponies to the arena for buckball!
Rainbow Dash: Let's do this!
Twilight Sparkle: We're gonna win!
Applejack: We got 'em!
Fluttershy: We're gonna pulverize 'em into tiny, itty-bitty, little pieces!
Rest of Mane Six: [gasp]
Fluttershy: Oh. [laughs nervously] I took it too far. [hums] Game time!
Mane Six: [cheer]
Referee: Hey there, ponies. Line up on the grass and count off to determine teams.
Pinkie Pie: Huh? Oh, ref. Maybe you don't understand.
Pinkie Pie: We're the Mane Six. [trumpet fanfare] We're kind of already a team.
Twilight Sparkle: Yeah! A team of best friends!
Fluttershy: Who are gonna pummel the competition!
Rainbow Dash: Uh, save it for the field.
Referee: Love the enthusiasm. [laughs] Line up on the grass with the other players and count off. We got a game to play!
Snails: [snoring]
Snails: Huh? [sighs]
Dishwater Slog: [chomps]
Pinkie Pie: Oh, no! I thought we'd automatically be on the same team!
Applejack: Well, me, too! This is not what I had in mind at all!
Rarity: I don't want to compete against you five. I barely wanted to play in the first place!
Rarity: But I... was excited to be on a team with my besties! [laughs nervously]
Twilight Sparkle: I agree with you. This is not how I thought the game would go down.
Referee: AHEM? I'm clearing my throat for emphasis.
Rainbow Dash: Just a moment! Emergency huddle!
Rainbow Dash: Okay, ponies. They're having us count off, but I've got a plan.
Rainbow Dash: [voiceover] We'll line up next to each other, they'll split the group in two, and we'll face off against the other six.
Fluttershy: We'll clean the grass with them!
Twilight Sparkle: Hmmm... Eh, the grass already looks pretty clean though. You know, they have to keep it cut to regulation.
Rarity: It was a figure of speech, darling. Even I know that, and I'm out on the grass as little as possible.
Rainbow Dash: Okay, okay! Everypony, we're gonna get out of this huddle and say "break!" to prove that we all understand what's happening. Okay?
Rest of Mane Six: Mm-hmm.
Rainbow Dash: Now let's get out there, line up next to each other, and get on the same team! Ready?
Mane Six except Fluttershy: Break!
Fluttershy: Break their spirits!
Referee: Okay, ponies! Count off!
Rainbow Dash: Count off? I think you mean split down the middle.
Referee: No, count off one-two-one-two.
Rainbow Dash: [groans] Emergency huddle!
Referee: No! You've used your allotted huddle.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, I hate to admit it, but he's right.
[loud thud]
Twilight Sparkle: It's here in the rule book.
Rest of Mane Six: Awwww...
Rainbow Dash: [sighs] One.
Twilight Sparkle: Two!
Fluttershy: One.
Applejack: Two.
Pinkie Pie: One!
Rarity: Two!
Mane Six: [sigh]
[crowd cheers]
Twilight Sparkle: [whines]
Applejack: [sighs]
Bulk Biceps: We have our teams facing off in today's Sportacular Spectacular Mane Event! Pun intended.
[crowd cheering]
Dishwater Slog: We're gonna crush 'em!
Pinkie Pie: Oh! I don't want to hurt them!
Derek: We're gonna destroy 'em.
Applejack: But they're our friends!
Snips and Snails: We're gonna pulverize 'em into tiny, little, itty-bitty pieces!
Fluttershy: That's what I said, but... but... [whispers] ...then I changed my mind!
Rarity: This isn't what friendship is all about. I don't want to do this!
Rainbow Dash: I don't either!
Bulk Biceps: It's game time, folks!
Mane Six: [sigh]