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Episode The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000
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Fluttershy: [yawns] Who could that be? It's still dark!
Rainbow Dash: C'mon, Fluttershy! Cider season's about to start!
Fluttershy: [squee] [shrieks] Oh, where are we? What's the rush?
Rainbow Dash: The rush? Don't you remember what happened last year? Or the year before that? Or pretty much any cider season ever?
Fluttershy: Um, well, uh–
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie. She always ends up ahead of us in line, and then they always run out of cider!
Fluttershy: I guess I–
Rainbow Dash: Well, not this year! This year I'm gonna get there before sunrise, so I can drink all the cider I want and laugh when she doesn't get any! It's the perfect plan. Y'know, I might even buy some cider and hold onto it for a while, drinking it drop by drop in front of her– [gasps]
Fluttershy: Gee, Rainbow Dash. It looks like a few other ponies had the same idea.
[zipping noise]
Fluttershy: Oh, gosh, Pinkie. I love your new style.
Rainbow Dash: Who are all these ponies?!
Pinkie Pie: Isn't this great? I couldn't sleep last night 'cause I was so excited about cider season, and I had this brilliant idea to come down here and camp out, so I told a few others about it, and they all thought it was a great idea too, and now it's just a big old cider party! Woo-hoo! Oh, gosh, that's a lot of ponies. Hope they don't run out before you get any.
Rainbow Dash: [growls]
[theme song]
Twilight Sparkle: Isn't this exciting, Spike? Opening day of cider season!
Spike: Yeah! That means it's only thirty more days 'til sapphire season!
Applejack: [through megaphone] Attention, everypony! Cider season is now officially open!
Ponies: [excited chattering]
[bits clinking]
[tap pressing repeatedly]
Rainbow Dash: [growls]
[tap fizzling]
Applejack: Heh. Sorry, everypony! That's it for today!
Ponies: Awww.
Rainbow Dash: Surprise, surprise. You ran out again!
Caramel: Yeah, you always run out!
Fluttershy: For the record, I don't mind–
Rainbow Dash: Why can't you make enough cider for all of us? Or at least for me!
Ponies: ["Yeah", general complaining]
Applejack: Hold on, everypony. We've done our best to improve supply this year-
Caramel: You always say that!
Applejack: And it's always true. But Apple family cider is made with love and integrity, and only the highest quality apples in Equestria. Sorry, but that recipe takes time.
Ponies: [more complaining]
Applejack: If y'all just be patient, we'll have plenty more tomorrow.
Pinkie Pie: She's right, y'know! You can't rush perfection! And this year's batch was perfection!
Fluttershy: Uh, Pinkie Pie–
Pinkie Pie: I'll never forget the cider I just drank! It was a moment in time that will never exist again. [sighs]
Rainbow Dash: [growls]
[motorized noises]
Applejack: What in Equestria is that?
Well, lookie what we got here, brother of mine, it's the same in every town
Ponies with thirsty throats, dry tongues, and not a drop of cider to be found
Maybe they're not aware that there's really no need for this teary despair
That the key that they need to solve this sad cider shortage you and I will share
Ponies: [excited chattering]
[Flim and Flam]
Well you've got opportunity
In this very community
He's Flim
He's Flam
[Flim and Flam]
We're the world famous Flim Flam Brothers
Traveling salesponies nonpareil
Pinkie Pie: Nonpa-what?
Nonpareil, and that's exactly the reason why, you see
No pony else in this whole place will give you such a chance to be where you need to be
And that's a new world, with tons of cider
Fresh squeezed and ready for drinking
More cider than you could drink in all your days of thinking
Rainbow Dash: I doubt that.
[Flim and Flam]
So take this opportunity
[Flim, Flam, and Crowd]
In this very community
He's Flim
He's Flam
[Flim and Flam]
We're the world famous Flim Flam Brothers
Traveling salesponies
[Flim, Flam, and Crowd]
I suppose by now you're wondering 'bout our peculiar mode of transport
I say, our mode of locomotion
And I suppose by now you're wondering, where is this promised cider?
Any horse can make a claim and any pony can do the same
But my brother and I have something most unique and superb
Unseen at any time in this big new world
[Flim and Flam]
And that's opportunity
Folks, it's the one and only, the biggest and the best
The unbelievable
[Flim and Flam]
Flim Flam Brothers' Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000
Flam: What d'you say, sister?
Rarity: [faints]
Oh, we got opportunity
In this very community
Please, Flim, please, Flam, help us out of this jam
With your Flim Flam Brothers' Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000
Flim: Young filly, I would be ever so honored if you might see fit to let my brother and I borrow some of your delicious, and might I add spellbindingly fragrant apples for our little demonstration here?
Applejack: Uh, sure, I guess.
Opportunity, in our community
Ready, Flim?
Ready, Flam?
[Flim and Flam]
Let's bing bang zam!
Flim: And show these thirsty ponies a world of delectable cider!
Cider, cider, cider, cider... [continues until Granny Smith interrupts]
Flim: Watch closely, my friends!
The fun begins!
Flim: Now, here's where the magic happens. Right here in this heaving, roiling, cider-press-boiling guts of the very machine, those apples plucked fresh are right now as we speak being turned into grade-A, top-notch, five-star, blow-your-horseshoes-off, one-of-a-kind cider!
Feel free to take a sneak peek!
[Granny Smith]
Now wait, you fellers, hold it!
You went and over-sold it!
I guarantee that what you have there won't compare
For the very most important ingredient
Can't be added or done expedient
And it's quality, friends, Apple Acres' quality and care!
Well, Granny, I'm glad you brought that up, my dear, I say I'm glad you brought that up
You see that we are very picky when it comes to cider if you'll kindly try a cup
Yes, sir, yes, ma'am, this great machine lets just the very best
So whaddaya say then, Apples?
Care to step into the modern world
And put the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 to the test?
Cider, cider, cider, cider... [continues until Flim and Flam begin singing]
Flim: What do you think, folks? Do you see what the Apples can't? I see it clear as day! I know she does! So does he! C'mon, Ponyville, you know what I'm talking about!
[Flim and Flam]
We're saying you've got
[Flim, Flam, and Crowd]
In this very community
He's Flim, he's Flam
We're the world famous Flim Flam Brothers
Traveling salesponies nonpareil!
[Flim and Flam]
Apple Bloom: You got a deal!
Crowd: [excited chattering]
Granny Smith: Not so fast! No way no how that machine matches up with the care we put in our cider!
Apple Bloom: But if it really does work, we could make everypony in town happy!
Applejack: I just don't know, y'all. We've always made cider the same way.
Big McIntosh: Eeyup. Huh?
Flim: We'll sweeten the deal. You supply the apples...
Flam: ...We supply the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.
Flim and Flam: Then we split those sweet sweet profits...
Flim: ...Seventy-five...
Flam: ...Twenty-five.
Apple Bloom: Deal–
Applejack: Hold on. Who gets the seventy five?
Flim: Why, us, naturally.
Flam: And, we'll throw in the magic to power the machine for free.
Applejack: Cider sales keep our business afloat through the winter. We'd lose Sweet Apple Acres if we agreed to this.
Flim and Flam: So? What'll it be?
Big McIntosh: No deal.
Flim: Hmph. Very well. If you refuse our generous offer to be partners, then we'll just have to be competitors.
Applejack: You wouldn't dare.
Flim: Oh no?
Flam: Don't you worry, everypony! There'll be plenty of cider for all of you!
Flim: [quietly] Once we drive Sweet Apple Acres out of business.
Apple family: [gasps]
Apple Bloom: What?
[clinking of bits]
[tap clunking]
Twilight Sparkle: Still worried about Flim and Flam?
Spike: Granny Smith says they were just blowing hot air.
Applejack: I'm not so sure. They sounded mighty serious when they threatened to run us out of business.
Apple Bloom: That's it! Last cup!
Rainbow Dash: Oh, for Pete's sake!
Crowd: [sighs of disappointment]
Apple Bloom: C'mon back tomorrow, everypony!
Crowd: [complaining]
[Cider Squeezy 6000 clunking]
Flim: What seems to be the problem here?
Flam: Oh my, oh my, out of cider again?
Flim: What have we here? Who'd like a cup?
Crowd: [cries of excitement]
Flam: Don't worry, everypony, we've got the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 to make more in an instant!
Applejack: You can't sell that cider! That's made from Apple family apples!
Rainbow Dash: Is this some kind of cruel joke?
Flim: Don't worry, everypony, there are plenty of apples in Equestria. We'll find some others and make more cider than all of Ponyville can drink!
Crowd: [gasps]
Apple Bloom: We'll make more cider than you could ever imagine!
Crowd: [gasps]
Granny Smith: Now, it ain't about the speed, young'un, it's about quality.
Crowd: [disappointed sighs]
Rainbow Dash: Who cares how good the cider is if I never get to drink any?
Flim: Oh, look at these poor, dissatisfied ponies.
Apple Bloom: Ponyville is Sweet Apple Cider country!
Applejack: Our cider speaks for itself!
Flim: Let's put it to the test!
Apple Bloom: Anywhere, anytime!
Crowd: [shocked muttering]
Granny Smith: Well, that's enough now.
Flam: With our machine, we can make enough cider in one hour to satisfy this entire town!
Apple Bloom: We'll do it in 45 minutes!
Crowd: [Wow, really? etc.]
Granny Smith: Easy, Apple Bloom, easy.
Flim: What's the matter, Granny Smith? Chicken?
Granny Smith: What did you call me, sonny?
Flim: If you're so confident in your cider, then what's the problem?
Granny Smith: Tomorrow mornin', right here!
Flam: But I'm afraid we haven't any... [spits] ...apples.
Granny Smith: You can use our south field! It'll be worth it to teach y'all a thing or two about cider making!
Flim: Excellent; we have a bet. Whoever produces the most barrels in one hour wins the exclusive right to sell cider in Ponyville.
Granny Smith: And after we beat ya, I don't never want to see you bambahoozlers around here again!
Crowd: [chattering]
Flam: Until tomorrow.
[Cider Squeezy 6000 driving off]
Twilight Sparkle: Don't worry, Applejack, I know you'll win tomorrow!
Applejack: We'd better, 'cause if we don't, we're gonna lose our farm.
Granny Smith: [sniffing]
Applejack: [sounds of exertion]
Twilight Sparkle: Applejack? Are you sure this is such a good idea?
Applejack: Me 'n' the family are... one hundred percent confident... in our cider making capabilities.
Apple Bloom: And besides, nopony calls Granny a chicken.
Mayor Mare: [through megaphone] Attention, everypony!
Twilight Sparkle: Well, good luck.
Applejack: Thanks, Twilight. We'll need it.
Mayor Mare: [through megaphone] The teams have one hour to produce as much cider as they can, after which the barrels will be counted and the winner will be named the sole cider provider for all of Ponyville!
Crowd: [shocked gasp]
Mayor Mare: Are both teams ready?
Granny Smith: [snorts]
Applejack: Ready!
Flim and Flam: Ready!
Mayor Mare: Then let's... go!
[crackling electricity and vacuum sounds]
Granny Smith: Ugh, bad 'un. Good 'un! Bad 'un...
Applejack: Great job, y'all! We've already filled an entire barrel!
Apple Bloom: I'll bet you those guys don't even have–
Apple Bloom, Big McIntosh and Granny Smith: [gasps]
Apple Bloom: What?!
[machine noises from Cider Squeezy 6000]
Applejack: [gulps]
[dings and buzzes]
[apples thudding]
Applejack: C'mon, Apple Bloom, focus! We gotta forget those guys if we're gonna have a chance of winnin'!
Apple Bloom: Sorry, sis! Better keep up, Granny, we're fallin' behind!
Granny Smith: Egh... [sniffs] Good 'un... Ugh, bad 'un...
Applejack: Rest when it's over, Big McIntosh! Ride! Ride!
Rarity: This is just dreadful. Even at top speed the Apples are only making one barrel to the twins' three!
Twilight Sparkle: Um, Miss Mayor! Are honorary family members allowed to help in the competition?
Mayor Mare: Well, I'm not sure... Flim, Flam, would you object to honorary family members helping?
Flim: Are you kidding?
Flam: We don't care if the whole kingdom of Canterlot helps. It's a lost cause.
Mayor Mare: Hm, I guess it's okay. Applejack? What do you think?
Applejack: I think I'd love to have the rest of my family helpin' out.
Rest of main cast: All right!
Twilight Sparkle: Okay, everypony, we're not gonna let those smooth talkers take our friend's farm.
Rest of main cast: Yeah!
Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy, help Applejack with the trees.
Fluttershy: Got it.
Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie Pie, you're on apple catching detail.
Pinkie Pie: Yessir, ma'am, sir!
Twilight Sparkle: Rarity, you've got a discerning eye. Help Granny Smith at the quality control station.
Rarity: Of course.
Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash, do you think you can help Big McIntosh press?
Rainbow Dash: In my sleep!
Twilight Sparkle: Alright, everypony, let's save Sweet Apple Acres!
Rest of main cast: All right!
[clattering sounds]
Pinkie Pie: Over there, Apple Bloom! Don't miss them!
Apple Bloom: Right behind you, Pinkie Pie!
Granny Smith: Good 'un, bad 'un, bad 'un, good 'un...
Rarity: Lovely, horrid, horrid, lovely...
Twilight Sparkle: Based on these figures, we're making five barrels for every three of theirs!
Crowd: [cheering]
Applejack: Keep it up, everypony! We're back in this!
Flim: [spits] Come on, brother, we've gotta pick up the pace!
Flam: Right, uh, double the power!
[electric sounds]
Flim: We've gotta try something else!
Flam: I've got it, brother of mine.
[Cider Squeezy 6000 dinging]
Flim: Well done, Flam! We're at top productivity!
Crowd: [cheering]
Twilight Sparkle: C'mon, Rainbow Dash, keep grinding!
Rainbow Dash: We don't have time for quality control if we wanna win this thing!
Granny Smith: [yelps] Get back, you! One bad apple spoils the bunch!
Rainbow Dash: Applejack, help me!
Applejack: There's no point in winnin' if we cheat!
Twilight Sparkle: We'll just have to work harder! C'mon, everypony!
Rainbow Dash: All right then, double time!
Mayor Mare: Time's up!
Main cast and Apple family: [groans]
Crowd: [cheering]
Mayor Mare: [mumbling]
Twilight Sparkle: I'm proud of you, Applejack.
Applejack: Thanks. [pants]
Twilight Sparkle: Integrity like that will always be... rewarded.
Mayor Mare: Flim and Flam win!
Crowd: [shocked gasp, "What?", etc.]
Apple Bloom: Wh, wh–
Applejack: We... lost?
Flim: Daww, too bad, Apples.
Flam: Guess you'll just have to find a new line of work that doesn't match your names quite so... perfectly.
Flim: Now should we tear down all these tacky old buildings and put up new ones, brother?
Flam: I don't see why not, brother. After all, this isn't Sweet Apple Acres anymore. How about 'Flim Flam Fields'?
Rainbow Dash: I ought to press you into jerk cider!
Applejack: No, Rainbow Dash. A deal's a deal.
Flim and Flam: [laughing]
Applejack: Congratulations to y'all. The cider business in Ponyville... is yours. C'mon, Apples. Let's go pack up our things.
Flim: Fear not, everypony, there's more than enough cider to go around.
Flim and Flam: [laughing]
Applejack: Go ahead, everypony. Go on, y'all. It's okay.
Pinkie Pie: [crying]
Flam: Drink up, Ponyville! Down the hatch!
Ponies: [spitting] [grunting]
Cherry Berry: I can't get the taste off my tongue!
Sweetie Drops: Mine's got rocks in it!
Comet Tail: I wouldn't pay one cent for this dreck!
Flam: You wouldn't pay even one cent?
Crowd: No!
Flim and Flam: [mumbling to each other]
Flam: How about two cups for one cent?
Crowd: No!
Flim and Flam: [mumbling to each other] Two bits for a barrel?
Crowd: NO!
Flam: [nervous noises] It looks like we've encountered a slight... problem here in Ponyville.
Flim: Nopony wants our product. Next town?
Flam: Next town. Let's go, Flim!
Flim: Let's go, Flam!
[Cider Squeezy 6000 driving off]
Applejack: They're gone.
Twilight Sparkle: That means Sweet Apple Acres is still in business!
Caramel: Plus we can have high quality Apple family cider!
Apple Bloom: Because of this silly competition, we've made enough of our cider for the whole town!
Crowd: [cheering]
Applejack: Dear Princess Celestia,
I wanted to share my thoughts with you. [clears throat] I didn't learn anythin'! Ha! I was right all along! If you take your time to do things the right way, your work will speak for itself. Sure I could tell you I learned something about how my friends are always there to help me, and I can count on them no matter what, but truth is, I knew that already too.