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Episode Trade Ya!
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Pinkie Pie: [squeals] Yes! Best day ever! We're all going to the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange! And not just going – we're accompanying a princess on an official royal duty!
Twilight Sparkle: Please, it's not that big of a deal. There always has to be a princess at the Exchange. Last year was Princess Cadance, this year it's me. It's just a formality. I'm sure none of the other ponies will even notice I'm here.
[crowd cheering]
Crowd Pony 1: Wow, look over there, a princess!
Crowd Pony 2: Oh, this is amazing!
Applejack: Could be wrong, but I think they might've noticed.
Twilight Sparkle: [laughs nervously]
[theme song]
Fluttershy: Oh, my goodness!
Rarity: You said it. The Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange is simply divine. You can get anything you want here!
Applejack: If'n you got the goods to trade for it.
Spike: [grunts] Wha? Nooo! Thanks, Twilight. Whew. One ding, nick or dent, and this Power Ponies comic book wouldn't be in perfect mint condition anymore. And if you want to trade for a mint comic, you gotta have a mint comic.
[crowd murmuring]
Applejack: I guess a pony who's here on official princess business has to expect a little fussin'.
Twilight Sparkle: But all I'm supposed to do is settle disagreements over whether a trade is fair or not. And since the rule is that a trade is fair as long as both ponies get what they want, there's never been a disagreement. So there's really no reason for anypony to treat me as anything special. Hi! Can I help you? [sighs]
Rainbow Dash: There's a pony here who's got a signed first edition of Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Statue, and I'm gonna get it! I've been able to get first editions of all of the Daring Do books, except this one! Nopony's ever put together a whole set, and I'm gonna be the first! If it hasn't been traded yet... It's the only one in all of Equestria!
Fluttershy: Oh no! I'd really hate to see you disappointed. I did want to trade this bear call I've got for a bird whistle, but getting that book seems so important to you, so if you need me to help you first...
Rainbow Dash: Normally I'd say I don't need any help, but you're right. This is really important. I've gotta get that book!
Applejack: Well, I'm off to take a gander at some of the vintage stalls.
Rarity: Did you say vintage? Why, old and rare items are so in style right now! I'm hoping to get a vintage item as well. I just hope I brought enough to trade.
Applejack: I know what you mean, Rarity. Hey! Why don't we pool our trade stashes?
Rarity: Pool?
Applejack: That way, if one of us finds somethin' real valuable she can't live without...
Rarity: [gasps] She'll definitely be able to get it! Who could say no to exchanging a single object for such a huge assortment of items? Oh, yes! That is absolutely brilliant! I'm so glad I have a friend like you, Applejack.
Applejack: I feel the same way.
Rarity: Then let's go shopping!
Pinkie Pie: Um, shouldn't your princessness be headed to the royal box seats?
Twilight Sparkle: I may be the princess on duty, but I don't think that means I have to sit up there all alone doing nothing. Ever since I became a princess, Celestia's been sending me more books to read than ever. The library's overflowing, so I figured while we're here, I might as well trade away some books I don't need anymore.
Pinkie Pie: Mm-hm!
Rainbow Dash: [gasps] There it is! The first edition of Daring Do and the Sapphire Statue! It hasn't been traded yet! [to stallholder] Lucky for you, because I've brought my most valuable possession to trade for it: My lucky horseshoe!
"Teddie Safari": I don't want it.
Rainbow Dash: What?!
"Teddie Safari": It's just a rusty old horseshoe. That's not worth anything to me.
Fluttershy: But, but how is Rainbow Dash going to get the book she really wants?
"Teddie Safari": Well, she's not.
Rainbow Dash: [sighs]
"Teddie Safari": Unless... she can get me that.
[Orthros growling and barking]
Fluttershy: Aww, an Orthros! How cute!
"Teddie Safari": The pony running the ancient beasts stall doesn't want anything I've got. But if you can get me the Orthros, I'll trade you the book for it.
Rainbow Dash: You got it! [to Fluttershy] I don't know how, but somehow, we're gonna get that Orthros.
Rarity: Oh, Applejack, I am so glad I found you.
Applejack: Me too! You're not gonna believe it!
Applejack and Rarity: [simultaneously] I found a super valuable vintage item I just have to have, and all it's gonna cost is all our stuff! [beat] Uh-oh.
Rarity: So, where is this valuable vintage item you want to trade everything we have for?
Applejack: There!
Rarity: Where?
Applejack: Right there!
Rarity: But... that's a dented old pie tin.
Applejack: A dented vintage pie tin. The metal they used to fashion this one helps cook the pies up to five seconds faster! They don't make 'em like this anymore!
Rarity: I'm so glad you showed that to me, darling...
Rarity: ...because once you see what I've found, you won't want to waste our trade goods on that. [giggles] Just look at this gorgeous vintage brooch. It's one of a kind!
Applejack: It looks exactly like the one you're already wearin'.
Rarity: Well, yes, they may look the same, but I know it's older, and that's what makes it so much more divine!
Applejack: But that doesn't make a lick of sense! Why, I'd wager if I switched them up, you wouldn't even know the difference!
Rarity: Oh, don't be silly, of course I would!
[brooches clinking]
Applejack: So which is the vintage one?
Rarity: That one, of course.
Applejack: Hah, you're bluffin'!
Rarity: Am I? How can you tell?
Applejack: Well... because... [groans] I can't, 'cause the one you wanna waste our whole stash on is exactly the same as the one you already got! There's no way anypony would notice the difference!
Rarity: I'd say it's a lot more likely they'd notice that than some dented tin that cooked a pie a whole two seconds faster!
Applejack: It's five seconds faster!
Rarity: [growls]
Applejack: [growls]
[Orthros growling]
Rainbow Dash: [gulps]
[Orthros barking]
Fluttershy: Yes, such a good two-headed boy. Yes, you are!
[various creature noises]
Cratus: Stop that! C'mon, don't you start now, too!
Rainbow Dash: Okay, I can see you're busy, so I'll give it to you straight. I need to trade this horseshoe for... that.
Cratus: Nope.
Rainbow Dash: Aww.
Cratus: Down, boy! Watch out for the lamp!
Cratus: Well, I could use another lamp.
Rainbow Dash: A whole stand filled with Discord-shaped lamps? Seriously?!
Fluttershy: They really do have everything at the Traders Exchange.
Rainbow Dash: Will you trade a lamp for my horseshoe so I can trade it for an Orthros and get my book?
Stellar Eclipse: No. But I'd trade it for an antique chicken.
Rainbow Dash: Great! [beat] What's an antique chicken?
"Match Game": Oh, I got all kinds of antique chicken statues. I got your blue hens, speckled grays, your-
Rainbow Dash: Okay, cool! So will you trade one for a horseshoe so I can trade it for a lamp and then trade it for an Orthros so I can get my book?
"Match Game": Well, lemme think... Uh, no.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash: Aww.
"Match Game": But I'd gladly trade one of my chickens for a crystal chalice.
Rainbow Dash: [panting] Hold on a sec. [inhales] We need a crystal chalice to trade for a chicken to trade for a lamp to trade for an Orthros. So what are you willing to trade for it? I'm guessing it's gotta be some crazy thing way across the Exchange.
"Amethyst Gleam": Actually, I could use a slightly rusty old horseshoe.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, like where am I gonna find– wait, I've got one of those! Now that we've got the chalice, this is gonna be a cinch!
Fluttershy: Do you really think so?
Rainbow Dash: All we gotta do is bring this thing to the chicken stand and we are–
[crystal fracturing]
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash: [screaming]
Twilight Sparkle: You want me to trade all my books for a broken pen? Alright, fine. You got yourself a–
Pinkie Pie: Stop! What are you doing?!
Twilight Sparkle: I was trying to get rid of all the books I don't need anymore.
Pinkie Pie: For that? Do you reaaaaally want that?
Twilight Sparkle: Well, not really, but I'm running out of library space, so–
Pinkie Pie: Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh! I can't believe that almost happened! But luckily, it didn't happen, thanks to me.
Twilight Sparkle: What are you talking about?
Pinkie Pie: According to the rules of the Exchange, a trade is only fair if both ponies end up with something they want. You can't break the rules! Did anypony see you do it? I don't think anypony saw! [to "Chirpy Hooves"] But you're not gonna say anything, are you?! Haha, I'm just kidding! Or am I?! Sometimes I can't even tell! [laughs]
Twilight Sparkle: Y'know, if you want to go check out the rest of the Exchange and trade whatever you brought...
Pinkie Pie: Nope, I just came to pony-watch! I'm not going anywhere. I won't let you make a mistake like that again! Hey, everypony, step right up! Do not walk! Gallop over here for your chance to trade for authentic, one-of-a-kind, official princess merchandise!
Twilight Sparkle: [groans]
Rainbow Dash: Well, that took forever.
Fluttershy: I just hope it looks okay.
"Match Game": This is perfect!
[smashing crystal]
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash: [gasps]
"Match Game": Perfect for the broken chalice mosaic I'm making! Alright, so what kind of antique chicken do you want? I got speckled, brown, gray... [continues under]
Rainbow Dash: Oh no! The pony we're supposed to trade the chicken statue to didn't tell us what kind he wanted! Okay, look. I'm fast. I'll fly over to the lamp stand and find out what kind of chicken he wants. Just don't let anypony trade for any chicken while I'm gone, okay?
Fluttershy: Um, well, okay! Um, I can do that, I think. [to Crusoe Palm] Um, well, maybe you shouldn't get one of those? You know... unless you really want to...
Rainbow Dash: [groans] Beat it! You go. I'll stay here.
Rarity: Well, since we can't both get what we want, I will be the better friend. You take our trade goods and get what you want.
Applejack: I'm an amazin' friend! So even though it's for somethin' that don't seem valuable at all, you take our stash.
Rarity: How dare you let me get what I want. What kind of friend do you think I am? You are going to get what you want!
Applejack: No, you are!
Rarity: No, you are!
Rainbow Dash: Hello! [tapping] We got the kind of chicken you asked for! Hello? Where's the pony running this joint? 'On break'?! [groans]
Pinkie Pie: These books made Twilight the princess she is. Before that, she was nothing – a big, fat zero!
Twilight Sparkle: Hey!
Pinkie Pie: Then she read these books, and voila! Princess! So who wants to start the bidding?
[crowd chattering excitedly; 'Me', etc.]
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, just a moment, please! Pinkie, I appreciate your help and all, but I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this. Nopony should trade for my books just because I'm a princess. I'm not better than anypony else!
Pinkie Pie: [hushed] I know you're not better than everypony! Just leave this to me! [to crowd, normal] Did I mention that Princess Twilight got these books from Princess Celestia?
Fleur De Verre: Whoa, wait, you don't mean–
Pinkie Pie: Oh, that's right! Double princess!
[crowd chattering excitedly]
Fluttershy: There he is!
Rainbow Dash: Look, I know it's your break and all, but you've gotta open your stand so we can trade you for a lamp!
Stellar Eclipse: [stomach rumbles] Sorry, girls. Been trading all day. My belly's tellin' me it's time to eat an oatburger.
Rainbow Dash: Oh come on, please?
Fluttershy: Pretty pretty please?
Stellar Eclipse: Sorry, belly says 'no'.
Rainbow Dash: But the Exchange ends at sundown!
Stellar Eclipse: No!
Rainbow Dash: I've got an idea. Next! Next! Next! Next! Next!
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash: [straining]
Rainbow Dash: We're home free!
Rainbow Dash: As long as this thing doesn't drown us in slobber.
Fluttershy: Oh, he's just an affectionate little two-headed fellow. Aren't you, little boy?
Applejack: No, I insist. You go fetch what you want, 'cause that's the kind of tried and true friend I am.
Rarity: Well! I am way too generous to let you out-friend me like that!
Rainbow Dash: We gotta hurry! [gasps] We're never gonna get to the Daring Do stand through this crowd in time!
Fluttershy: [blows bear call]
Rainbow Dash: Come on!
Fluttershy: My bear call!
Rainbow Dash: We gotta go!
Fluttershy: Of course. It's just a bear call. There's nothing I could have traded it for that's more valuable to me than you.
Rainbow Dash: [sighs] Okay, the Exchange is almost over, but we did it. We traded a crystal chalice for an antique chicken...
Fluttershy: And the chicken for a lamp...
Rainbow Dash: And the lamp for an Orthros, just like you asked.
[Orthros barks]
Rainbow Dash: So there you go! Now where's my book?
"Teddie Safari": Yeah, you know, the thing is... I don't really want an Orthros anymore.
Fluttershy: But... what do we do now?
Rainbow Dash: [groans]
[Orthros panting]
Fluttershy: Oh goodness, oh goodness!
Rainbow Dash: Argh! Ugh...
Fluttershy: Good boy!
Rainbow Dash: Hey! You said you wanted an Orthros!
"Teddie Safari": I've been watching that thing over at the ancient beast booth! It's crazy! I don't want one in my house!
[Orthros growls]
Fluttershy: There, there, that's a good Orthros. You just have to know how to train them. With a little patient training and a big slobber mop, they can be a wonderful household pet.
"Teddie Safari": [laughing] All right, all right. I'll trade you.
Rainbow Dash: Yes!
"Teddie Safari": If she comes and stays with us in Manehattan until it's trained!
Fluttershy: Gosh, training an Orthros takes a long time. I'll probably be gone from Ponyville for... I don't even know how many moons! But... if that is what you really want...
"Teddie Safari": So we got a fair deal?
Rainbow Dash: Of course it's a deal! Yeah-eah, whoo! [squeals] I did it, I did it! Fluttershy, can you believe it? Oh no. what did I do?!
Pinkie Pie: Who's got something valuable enough to trade for Princess Twilight's princess books that she got from Princess Celestia? Did I say "princess"?
Minuette: Over here, over here!
Pinkie Pie: Oh, come on! These are the books the princess would sit up with all night, with nothing to read by but the light of her own horn! Ooh, now that looks fun– but not fun enough! These are the books that made Twilight the princess she is! So who's got what it takes to trade for them?
Crowd Pony 3: Well, when you put it like that...
Crowd: [various disappointed noises]
Pinkie Pie: Wait, stop, come back! Uh, these books aren't that great... [giggles nervously]
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, yes, they are.
Pinkie Pie: But I thought you wanted to get rid of them!
Twilight Sparkle: None of those ponies had anything valuable enough to trade for my books. Not because these books belong to a princess, but because they helped make me who I am. Just like you said. This was the one I was so absorbed in the day Spike decided he owed Applejack a life debt. And this one reminds me of the day I got it – which was the day I met you. I may not ever need to read these again, but that doesn't mean they don't have value. I realize that now, thanks to you, Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie: I told you I'd take care of everything!
Rainbow Dash: Twilight! I need you to say a trade wasn't fair! Fast!
Twilight Sparkle: I've heard what you both have to say, and I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, but my hooves are tied. You said it was a fair trade.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, I said it, but I was wrong! I did want that book, a lot. I said I wanted it more than anything in all of Equestria. But there's no thing that's worth as much to me as a friend. I might have forgotten that for a little bit, but it's true. Which means there's no way this trade can be fair!
"Teddie Safari": Oh, come on, that's... the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Okay, the trade's off!
[crowd cheering]
Twilight Sparkle: And with that, I declare this trial, and this year's Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange, over! [bangs gavel]
Pinkie Pie: [in distance] Woo-hoo!
Rarity: I know it's not the pie tin you were after, but I hope you like it. It's the rustiest piece of junk I could get.
Applejack: Well, I took my half of our stash and got you this!
Rarity: Ohhh!
Applejack: And I know you're gonna love it, 'cause you already have a bunch of ones that look exactly the same sittin' in the drawer doin' nothin'. So that should settle it once and for all which of us is the better friend.
Rainbow Dash: Oh, come on! You both gave up what you wanted to get something for each other! That's the coolest thing a friend can do. Trust me, I know.
Pinkie Pie: Hey, where's your double-doggie?
Rainbow Dash: I traded it for something way better.
Fluttershy: [blows bird whistle]
Constance: [twittering]
Twilight Sparkle: Well, what do you know? My copy of Daring Do and the Sapphire Statue. It's just a beat up old paperback, not a one-of-a-kind first edition...
Rainbow Dash: [gasps] Even better, because I can read this one with all my friends!
Twilight Sparkle: [giggles]